Allen and Lenalee's Picnic of Fantastic Fortitude
by Rain-chan
Summary: It was only supposed to be a picnic…just a picnic…but somehow things always have the habit of going horribly wrong...
1. A Blustery Day

_Hello hello again. Here I am, with another story of…well, random activities. You see, I can only write humor. It's my policy. Seriously, I hate writing dramatic stuff. It's just not…me. I mean, sometimes dramatic is okay, if it's within a mostly-humorous story. Ah, yes, it's hard being me, but I manage. Um…why does my clock say it's 1 AM? It's so clearly 2. Okay, time for me to stop reading and actually start writing. Disasters will have to wait._

_Anyhow, I felt like writing something different. Not to worry, I'm still going with my Florian story. I just sort of hit a block, you know. Then I was reading -Man, which was the cause of my previous babbling, and this wonderful title popped into my head, like…like poof. It was there. And there you have it. Please, enjoy. Now._

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**Allen and Lenalee's Picnic of Fantastical Fortitude**

_A story of mishaps and mayhem_

_And maybe sometimes delicious deserts_

_Brought to you by_

THE AMAZING AUTHOR WHO WROTE IT (EXCLAMATION EXCLAMATION)

_And yes, the word "fortitude" works here. I was so happy. So happy._

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**Disclaimer: Hah, I don't own D. Gray-Man. If you say I do, I'll punch you. That rhymed unintentionally, the end.**

**Chapter Summary: Oh, it was only supposed to be a picnic…just a picnic…**

* * *

It was a cloudy, blustery day, fit only for reading books or potentially battling the forces of evil. If you're into stuff like that. It certainly was not a day for a picnic. No, really, it wasn't. Unfortunately, there are some people in the world who are capable of overlooking small details such as this, and Lenalee Lee was one of them.

The wind was moderately blowing when she first asked.

"Allen, let's go on a picnic!"

Poor Allen had just stared at her in disbelief. First, he didn't know where in the world the idea for a picnic was coming from. Second…glancing out the window, he really, _really_ didn't know where in the world the idea for a picnic was coming from.

When he didn't answer, Lenalee tugged on his arm. "Did you hear me?"

"Um…" The windows rattled with a gust of wind. "Yeah, I heard you, but…"

Somehow, Allen managed to change the topic and escape. But that was only the first time.

The second time Lenalee asked, the wind had increased to a sizeable windstorm. The windows wouldn't stop rattling, and there was talk about taping the large ones up, "just in case", a phrase which seriously worried Allen. It was when he was walking down a corridor, thinking about taping up the windows, when he was accosted.

"Allen!" cried Lenalee, suddenly appearing behind him. "Let's go on a picnic!"

Allen froze, then turned around reluctantly. "…now?"

"Well, of course now," said Lenalee, as if he should have _realized_ that. "When else?"

Allen glanced outside. "But isn't it kind of…well…windy?"

Lenalee dismissed "windy" with a wave of her hand. "Not even. I've seen worse. So, wanna go?"

Again, Allen somehow got out of it. It was probably the guy who came running down the corridor, grabbing onto Allen's arm and dragging him away, crying something about windows. Oh, dear.

But then there was the third time. And the third time, unfortunately, Allen was unable to escape.

"Allen," said Lenalee in a huff, "You're avoiding me, aren't you?"

Looking around desperately, because he really, really didn't want to go on a picnic in the now gale-force winds, replied, "N-no, of course not. W-why would I be avoiding you?"

Lenalee sighed. "I just wanted to go on a picnic. The wind really isn't all that bad, and I have free time, and…and…and who knows when I'll have free time again? Maybe never. Ever."

Allen attempted to back away, becoming increasingly nervous with Lenalee's big-eyed stare. He had this awful feeling in the pit of his stomach…

"Please? Please? Just this once?" Lenalee's arm shot out, grabbing onto Allen's sleeve with stunning speed.

"But Lenalee…the wind…" said Allen weakly, still attempting to escape.

But no, Lenalee had him in a death-grip. "The wind's no big deal, I'm telling you. I know this really great spot where we'll be perfectly safe."

Somehow, by the way the trees were bending over backwards outside, Allen doubted this. But it was too late. He was caught.

"O-okay, fine," said Allen, nervously.

And with that, he was somehow running down the hallway with Lenalee, towards his unsuspecting doom.

"You'll see, it won't be bad at all. The wind probably won't even be a problem," said Lenalee, dragging Allen along with her to get the food.

"It's the probably that worries me," Allen moaned, really wishing he had done something…anything…to get out of this.

But his troubles were far from over. In fact, they were only starting as something ominous loomed in their pathway, sending them to a screeching halt.

"Uh…" Allen stared up at the frightening silhouette. For some odd reason, the hallway was frighteningly dark.

"Where on earth do you think you're going at a time like this?" came the growling voice of the ever-frightening Komui. "We're taping all the windows shut! _All_ the windows _shut_."

"Eh…" Allen attempted to back away. "I-I was just…"

"Gasp! And with my lovely little sister, no less!" Komui wouldn't let anyone get a word in edgewise, so distraught with the situation was he. "Lenalee! Shame on you, going off without telling your only brother!"

Lenalee put on her stubborn face. "But I-"

"Thank goodness you two weren't thinking about going outside in that horrible, awful weather. Who knows what I'd have to do to the person who put my beloved sister in such a dangerous situation!" Komui stared at Allen as he ranted, eyes glinting unsettlingly. Allen gulped.

Suddenly, Lenalee's stubborn face vanished. "Of course we weren't going outside."

"We weren't?" This was news to Allen.

"No, we weren't," said Lenalee firmly, giving Allen a 'look'.

Komui looked down his nose at the two liars. "Then where were you going?"

Lenalee's lie was seamless. "To the library."

"Alone?" Komui stared them down. "Together?"

"Actually," said Allen weakly, "You can't really be alone together…"

Komui glanced at him. "Shut up, you. Can't you see Lenalee and I are having a Discussion? Really." He turned back to Lenalee. "If it were anyone but you, I'd be worried. However, I'm sure you're going to the _library_, as you said, to…um…broaden your horizons, like young people should. Go, then, go and frolic among the books! Amass great knowledge! And be down for supper." And with that, Komui turned and walked away, confident that he had just averted a disaster.

"Oh, brothers," said Lenalee, sighing. "Anyway, come on. I'm sure they'll be taping up the doors soon."

"Taping up? The doors?" said Allen incredulously. The doors were all huge! Or…mostly, anyway. How in the world would they get enough tape to tape them all up? And…would the wind even be able to blow them open?

"In case you were wondering, those doors have blown open before," said Lenalee, confirming Allen's worst fears. "It…wasn't pretty."

If the wind could blow those doors open…what chance would a skinny kid like him have? Allen gulped, fearing the worst.

He had good reason to.

* * *

_And there you have it. Chapter…um…one. Oh, Allen. Why do I always like the nice guys? …because they're nice, I guess…this isn't making any sense. I feel like I need to talk about something, though…cake? No. Papercuts? Yes. They're horrible, but I haven't gotten one in a very long time. Watch me get one now._

_Um…I have so very many things to do that I just might forget about this poor little story unless you review to let me know you're actually reading it. If you just read it and don't review…then I'll think you hate it and I'll delete it and go sit in a corner and cry, ultimately leading to my untimely demise. You wouldn't want that to happen, now would you? So please review._


	2. Pathway of Death

_Chapter two. Yay reviewers. I've been writing like crazy because I really want to, and you've all gotten lucky this time. Hm. I'd like to thank those who did review, and give them the next chapter. This is not a chapter for you lazy folks. You just happen to be there…sitting at your computer…reading this. Um, what else. Paradoxes. They're so infuriating. Also, I had to shorten the title to being just "Allen and Lenalee's Picnic of __**Fantastic**__ (not __**fantastical**__) Fortitude, because the real title was too long. It's still fantastical, though, by all means. TREAT IT RIGHT._

**Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own D. Gray-Man (it keeps messing up the spelling...), nor will I ever claim to, and if you think I do, then you're horribly confused. And I, too, am horribly confused about spelling Lenalee's name. Just going to go with Wikipedia, I guess. Unless someone helps me out.**

**Chapter Summary: Attempting to get there, Allen finds that Lenalee's "safe spot" isn't really all that safe…**

* * *

"The wind's no big deal, I'm telling you. I know this really great spot where we'll be perfectly safe," she'd said. "You'll see, it won't be bad at all. The wind probably won't even be a problem."

Allen trudged along glumly, trying his best to keep from being blown over in sudden, violent gusts of wind. So far, Lenalee had been dead wrong on both accounts. Wrong expression. Allen really, really didn't want to think about death, stumbling along on the narrow path, flanked by a horrible drop on one side and a deadly-looking rock wall on the other.

"We're almost there," huffed Lenalee, still sounding gung-ho despite the situation. Allen really couldn't understand how she could handle it. When he wasn't having small bits of gravel blown into his face, he was trying to keep from flying off the cliff to his death or flying into the sharp rocks of the wall, which would also probably lead to death. The wind was being stubborn, blowing one way and then changing its mind and blowing the other. And then there was that huge picnic basket he was carrying…

"Lenalee," Allen gasped, attempting to make himself heard over the wind, "Honestly, did you really have to bring this much food?" The basket had to weigh twenty pounds, at least.

"Yes, I did," shouted Lenalee over her shoulder, somehow miraculously able to hear Allen. She was lugging a picnic basket of her own. "It's your own fault you eat so much."

Allen sighed. Why was everyone always hounding him about that? It wasn't his fault he was hungry…

Another sudden gust of wind nearly did both of them in. The only thing that saved them, oddly enough, was the dangerous-looking rock wall. Allen was able to grab one of the frighteningly sharp rocks and hang on for dear life, grabbing hold of Lenalee before it was too late. He glanced down over the side of the path, gulping at the sight of the near-vertical drop.

"Lenalee!" Allen wailed, "We're going to die! We're going to die!"

At last, Lenalee was beginning to look a bit worried. She'd escaped her older brother, only to be killed climbing a simple little path. What a disappointing end.

For a moment, the wind subsided, and Allen was able to regain his still-shaky footing. Really, there wasn't all that much footing to regain. The path was maybe three feet wide. If that.

"There, see, we're fine," said Lenalee a bit uncertainly, as Allen hauled her back up. "Just a…a little wind…"

"Lenalee," said Allen grimly, another gust of wind clutching at his shirt and threatening to really send him over, "This is not just 'a little wind'."

**********

Back at the Headquarters, Komui sat in a dark corner and turned up his radio. He was attempting to hide, really not wanting to do such menial tasks as taping up windows. So far, they hadn't found him. He wanted to keep it that way.

"_-gale-force winds, and signs of a storm coming in. We suggest you stay inside, guard your windows, and hope for the best,_" came the voice of the weather lady. Komui sighed. He really wasn't fond of deadly storms.

Well, at least everyone was nice and snug inside. Right?

**********

"How much farther?" gasped Allen, sincerely hoping that it wouldn't be much. He didn't know how many more times he could prevent imminent death.

"Hopefully not much," said Lenalee uncertainly. "But once we get there, we should be fine…"

A sudden crashing noise rent the air. Lenalee and Allen both stopped, looking up. A lightening bolt stabbed the darkening sky.

That was it. They were doomed. Allen attempted to push his hair out of his eyes, but it was just blown back. At least he hadn't worn his coat. He'd be like a kite in that thing. And the lightening…

"Lenalee," said Allen, a sudden realization striking horror deep into his very bones. "How high are we going, exactly?"

Lenalee, pressed up against the rock wall, looked at him, eyes widening. "Um…kind of high…"

Another streak of lightening lit up the surrounding area, accentuating the awful chasm opposite the rock wall.

"Why, Lenalee, why?" wailed Allen.

Biting her lip, Lenalee peered over the side. "I just wanted to go on a picnic!"

"Any other day," said Allen, sliding down against the rock wall to sit on the path. "We could've gone on a picnic any other day!"

"Oh, I don't know!" cried Lenalee. "And…and I was nervous. Besides, I didn't think the wind would be such a problem…"

Not such a problem? It had been threatening to rip out windows when they'd left. Now it was threatening to tear out massive trees and fling them at anything nearby. No, they couldn't go any farther. They would have to try to make it back down.

Having made his decision, Allen stood up, but was almost immediately slammed back against the rock wall by the wind. This was going to be harder than he'd thought.

After several attempts with the same results, Allen finally had to resort to inching along the wall, which was fairly painful, considering the rocks were jagged and out to get him. Lenalee followed suit, not faring much better than Allen. She was, however, slightly protected by any wind blowing directly at her, on account of Allen involuntarily acting as a wall of sorts, although this, unfortunately for Allen, meant he was being subjected to the full force of the wind's might. And, as you very well know, Allen wasn't exactly a…big sort of person.

"You can do it, Allen!" Lenalee cheered on, head down to prevent her eyes being dried up by the gusts.

Allen himself wasn't so sure. Every time the wind changed direction, he was nearly thrown about, and that three-foot ledge Lenalee called a "pathway" wasn't so reassuring. Neither was being momentarily blinded by sudden flashes of lightening, tripping over a rock, and almost falling to his death on the sharp rocks below. He could, however, see the ground getting slightly less far away, which gave him a little hope, at least.

Suddenly, another huge gust of wind threatened to push Allen over the edge. He caught his footing, but, as his hair was blown into his eyes, tripped on a rather large rock and lurched sideways. Even though it wasn't much of a lurch, it was just enough to send him slipping over the side of the precarious pathway.

* * *

_Thus ends another chapter. A little uneventful. Sorry if it's a bit short. (Is it?) I hope you liked it. Please feel free to give me any ideas you have; I can always use more. Sometimes it's difficult thinking of insane things…incase you didn't know, I basically make up the story chapter by chapter, so…even I have no real idea where it's going. All I know is that it'll probably involve karaoke at some point. And other characters. (Please help me decide who should be thrown in.) Also, if you want something specific to happen, I'll be more than happy to put it in, unless it's unnecessary and totally unfitting drama. Well, I guess I'll go back to doing things now. Yes. Things. That I'm doing. Oh. My nails are uneven._

_I don't know if I should add some romance to this or not. If you'd like me to, give a shout and I will. But it'll have to be in context. The end. Oh, but let me tell you a secret. Normally, I don't divulge personal secrets (what am I talking about?), but I'm sort of an AllenxLenalee fan. Now, if you don't mind, I have to go into the past to…save the future. Stopping bus accidents and such. You know. …what the heck? He's BACK?_


	3. Yay Mishaps

_I really need to get more sleep. It's just so much fun writing. I'm sorry I ramble so much…I just don't get to talk to people about this kind of stuff very often. I'm a ranter, what can I say? Sorry, I'll keep it short. Oh, but…please be prepared for insanity. It has begun. I think those last two chapters were just a set-up for the real thing. Huzzah. I just spilled hot tea on my leg._

_Uh…I've noticed this about my other stories, but…when people have special powers, I tend to ignore that and let them suffer like normal people. I think I just forget…_

**Disclaimer: Once again, again, again, I don't own D. Gray-Man. I wish I owned a time machine. Or…um…some cake.**

**Chapter Summary: Allen and Lenalee take a little spill…and the weather takes a turn for the…worse?**

* * *

Allen opened his terrified eyes to find himself staring at an incredibly frightening drop. However, as scary as that might seem, Allen was overjoyed to find that he wasn't smashed at the bottom, becoming close buddies with the jagged rocks. Still, his joy was choked out by the horror of hanging over a deathtrap.

But…he was still hanging _over_ it. What had stopped him from plunging _into_ it? Allen looked up…

…and there was Lenalee, doing her best to keep Allen from the imminent death waiting below.

"Oh…Lenalee," was all he could say, because, as well as being surprised, he was also stunned from his brush with death.

Lenalee herself looked about to topple over the side. Lying on a three-foot-wide pathway, one can only reach so far over the side before falling over. And, even though she was hanging onto Allen with both hands…he was…well, heavy. And then there was the picnic basket that he was holding with one arm.

"Can you get up?" huffed Lenalee, because her arms felt as though they were about to be pulled off. "Because I don't think I can hang on…"

A sudden crumbling sound, and Lenalee slid forward, causing Allen two drop another foot.

Allen looked up, then down, the up again. "I…I'm sure I can make it back up…" He gulped. Actually, he wasn't so sure, but Lenalee looked as if she were trying her best…so he would, too!

Gritting his teeth, Allen tried to stop swinging, which, in the wind, was a very difficult task. And then, still lugging that picnic basket, (for reasons generally unknown), Allen attempted to somehow climb back up.

He tried, he really did. Unfortunately, the second he began his climbing attempt, two awful things happened. One, Lenalee slid even further. Two, the wall began to crumble.

"What's happening?" cried Lenalee, horrified. "What-"

But she was unable to finish her sentence before the third awful thing happened: both Lenalee and Allen went tumbling completely over, down to the ground far below.

**********

Komui stomped down the hall. He'd been found out, and now his wonderful hiding place was ruined. At least it was time for supper…but Lenalee was nowhere to be seen. Where in the world was that girl?

Stopping at the door of the library, Komui shook of the feeling that something horrible was going on. With a sister as sweet as his, he had nothing to worry about.

…right?

Of course right. With determination, Komui pushed open the heavy library doors.

"Lenalee?" he called, voice echoing through the seemingly-empty room. "Lenaleeeeee, come on, it's time for supper…"

No answer.

"Don't panic, Komui," he said to himself, already beginning to panic. "She has to be around here somewhere…"

Unable to keep his cool, Komui flipped out and began tossing books left and right, searching for Lenalee. After he was done, the library was a huge mess, and Lenalee was still nowhere to be found. Assuming, of course, he hadn't crushed her underneath the books…

"Oh my GOD, Lenalee!" cried Komui. "I haven't crushed you, have I?"

A thorough search of all the book piles satisfied Komui that he hadn't crushed his little sister. But that meant…

"I always knew that Allen Walker was no good!" Komui sobbed, shaking his fist. "Lenalee!"

**********

Lavi walked through the woods and whistled to himself. A bit earlier, he'd had the sudden urge to go out and kick things, including several big rocks, a scary dog, and an annoying little kid. Running away from said kid's mother, however, had gone and gotten him lost, and so there he was, out in the middle of who-knows-where, trying to find his way…somewhere.

A sudden gust of wind knocked him off balance for a moment. He heard something that sounded a bit like a scream, but…wind made noises all the time, right? Right. It was nothing…hopefully.

Nonetheless on his guard, Lavi continued his whistling, looking around suspiciously. He recalled that fortune cookie he'd eaten earlier.

"You will run into an unexpected obstacle," Lavi said out loud, looking around for any unexpected obstacles. He didn't see any random elephants or deep dark pits for him to fall in. There had to be a road somewhere nearby. He figured if he kept a sharp eye out, which was something he was fairly good at, he'd make it without any life-threatening incidents.

On Lavi rambled, glancing left, glancing right, and whistling, although the wind completely devoured any sound he made. So far, so good. But wait, what was that dark shape on the ground? Right over there, next to that big tree.

Glancing up at the sheer rock wall on his left, Lavi made his way forward, more than a little curious. Maybe this was the obstacle his cookie had foretold? But what could it be? A giant snake? Maybe some bags of money left behind by a robber? Or…a dead body? Was it really? Lavi inched closer.

That wasn't just any dead body. That was…Lavi squinted. Lenalee?

Lavi stood there for a minute, confused and slightly shocked. What in the world was Lenalee's dead body doing out in the middle of nowhere?

…wait a second…_Lenalee's dead body_.

"Oh my God," cried Lavi, flipping out. "Lenalee is dead!"

In his haste to rush over and make sure she really was dead before completely panicking, Lavi tripped over something, landing smack on his face. Scrambling back up, he covered the rest of the ground to where Lenalee's presumably-dead body lay crumpled up on the ground.

"Lenalee!" yelled Lavi, shaking her back and forth. "Lenalee, unless you're dead, wake up!"

To Lavi's heart-stopping relief, Lenalee groaned and told him to stop screaming.

Sitting upright, Lenalee rubbed her side. She'd smacked right into that tree, and Allen…

"Allen!" Lenalee gasped, suddenly remembering the unfortunate third party. "Lavi, where's Allen?"

Lavi, puzzled, asked, "What? Allen?"

"Oh, it was my fault, and then…where _is_ he?" Lenalee had stood up and was attempting to survey the general area, although her hair was being blown into her eyes, thwarting all attempts at seeing long distances for any amount of time.

And then suddenly Lavi remembered.

"Um, Lenalee," he said, looking on the ground. "He wouldn't happen to be right there, would he?"

Lenalee held back her hair and looked to where Lavi was pointing. And there, in an unconscious heap, lay poor Allen who, besides having fallen down a horribly steep cliff, had hit his head on a rather large rock and then been tripped over by an unsuspecting Lavi.

"Oh," said Lenalee, biting her lip. "Poor Allen."

Lavi sighed. Poor Allen? The guy was a trouble magnet.

"Come on, Lenalee," he said, throwing Allen over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "We'd better get to the nearest medical facility…"

"Medical facility?" Lenalee looked horrified. "Is it really that bad?"

Lavi shrugged. "I'd say he's been through worse, but…at this point, I'm really not sure of anything."

With that, he started off through the forest and, after a moment's hesitation, Lenalee ran to catch up.

**********

_How long is this chapter? Longer than the others? It seems like it is…but now, really, the good stuff begins. And I swear to you, that includes karaoke. Don't ask me why. It just does._

_As requested, I'll be adding some AllenxLenalee, but nothing too horribly sappy. I…get sick writing that sort of stuff…it's just too sweet…but hey. That's just me. This is supposed to be a lighthearted story, anyway, because everyone needs to have fun. Even if it's at the expense of others. :3_

_Once again, please, with the ideas. I'd really love some, if you have any brilliant ones. Usually random things just pop into my head while I'm writing or at some other time of the day, but sometimes it takes a while, which makes delays. You don't want delays, do you? D:_

_Okay, off to go draw on the dwindling pages of my sketchbook…_

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	4. INN a Predicament

_Time for chapter…what is it…four? I think. Sorry for the title pun. I had to do it. XD_

_I think L would be very good at karaoke, incidentally. Hm. Maybe I'm just oddly hooked on karaoke, but it looks like people have such fun doing it. Not that I'd ever volunteer…_

_Now, let's get on with it. Sorry for the rambling…again. Thank you for your gracious reviews, __**Optimistic Pessimist**__, __**addenza**__,__** Kiarra-Chan**__, and __**Neko-sama no Kokoro**__. And thank you to all the readers who actually read this story; I hope you, too, enjoy it. And now to the story. I'm tired of being serious. Although I am seriously grateful._

_About the songs appearing: I know they don't fit with the supposed time period of D. Gray-Man, but since I'm writing this, they can be there. It's like magic. Only…not really._

**Disclaimer: I do this every time. I wish I didn't have to…but…I think I'd have to keep it up, even if I didn't have to, if that makes any sense…I don't own D. Gray-Man. Or any of the songs that may show up, for that matter.**

**Chapter Summary: Our heroes (?) find shelter at a lonely inn! What disasters lie in wait?**

* * *

Komui stormed through the halls, yelling for Lenalee. People jumped out of his path of destruction and hid in unused rooms, just in case.

"I always knew that Allen would lead my darling Lenalee astray!" Komui shouted and sobbed at the same time, resulting in some odd, hiccupping screech. "Lenaleeeeeeee…"

**********

Lenalee felt awful, and not just because she had fallen off a ridiculously high cliff and smacked right into a tree. No, she felt incredibly guilty for having nearly killed poor Allen, who still hadn't woken up. Why couldn't she just have waited to have a picnic another day?

"You know," said Lavi suddenly, "Staring at him with that scary look on your face isn't going to help. If anything, it'll probably give him nightmares."

Lenalee sighed, glumly resting her chin in her hands.

There was a sudden knock on the door, and both Lenalee and Lavi looked over.

"Excuse me," said a woman's voice, "I'm here with the food you requested…"

Lavi jumped up. "Ah, yes, food." He opened the door, and there, in all its glorious edible finery, was a cart full of the most dazzling food ever. Well, maybe. This opinion may have been slightly skewed by the fact that Lavi hadn't eaten since that fortune cookie and Lenalee hadn't even gotten to eat the picnic food she'd packed.

A groan from behind them made Lavi and Lenalee turn in surprise. And, lo, there was Allen, sitting up wearily, stomach growling.

"My head's killing me and I'm starving," said Allen, wincing as his head throbbed and his stomach rumbled. Pain and hunger are not a happy combination.

Lenalee nearly cried tears of joy that her friend wasn't in a permanent coma. "Oh, Allen, I'm so glad you're not dead," she said, as the poor maid stood and watched on in confusion.

"Um…should I call the doctor?" said the maid worriedly, wondering what in the world had happened and why these weird people had ordered so much food.

"No, no, we're fine," Lavi reassured her. "I'm pretty sure he didn't suffer any severe brain trauma, and his face looks okay."

The maid shifted uncomfortable. "Um…o…kay? I'll just…leave this here…" And with that, she hurried out of the room and down the stairs at the end of the hallway.

Allen, taking the apple Lenalee offered him, looked at Lavi curiously.

"Don't ask, Allen, don't ask," said Lenalee, sighing.

"Oh, but there's one thing _I_ really want to ask." Lavi, who had sunk nonchalantly into a chair, stared fixedly at Allen. "Namely, what were you doing at the bottom of a cliff, and why do you look like you got hit by a train?"

"What?" Allen stared back at Lavi. "I look like I got hit by a train?"

"Well," said Lavi, thinking, "I guess you're slightly less bloody than someone who's been hit by a train, but yeah, you look pretty bad off. Especially that blood trickling down the right side of your face."

"W-what?" Allen, panicked, touched the right side of his face. It came away bloody.

"See?" said Lavi, blinking.

"_You're right_!" cried Allen, properly freaking out.

Lenalee's hands flew to her mouth. "Oh my God, Allen, what did you _do_?"

"Nothing!" Allen blinked as the blood began to seep into his poor eye. "Augh, it's in my eye! It's in my eye!"

"Bandages, bandages!" Lenalee cried, searching frantically for some sort of bandage. "I don't think we have any!"

Lavi sat back and snorted. They were so amusing.

**********

"Allen, sit still," chided Lenalee, trying to wrap yet another layer of bandage around Allen's wounded head. She still felt horrible about the falling-off-the-cliff incident, and was apparently trying to make up for it by taking too much care of Allen's head.

Lavi, still in his chair, watched with a bemused expression as he ate a muffin. "I didn't think it was possible to care for someone too much, but I guess you really _can_ love someone to death."

"Lenalee," groaned Allen, "Be careful. You're going to poke out my eye."

Twitching slightly, Lenalee whopped Allen in the head and chucked a cup at Lavi's at the same time.

Lavi sulked and went back to gnawing on his muffin.

"There," said Lenalee when she was finally done, giving Allen's head a little pat. "All better."

"Um, yeah," said Allen, not sure his minor cut deserved such…er…"loving" care. "Say, Lenalee, where are we?"

Lenalee shrugged. "I don't know. Some village somewhere. Lavi had to carry you all the way here."

Allen looked sullenly at Lavi, who smirked, and Lenalee suddenly flushed, remembering how absolutely adorable poor little Allen had looked.

"So, you see," said Lavi, picking up the story, "My fortune cookie was right all along. Sorry about tripping over you."

Allen's expression darkened. "What?"

"Yeah, you were just lying there on the ground, and I didn't see you," said Lavi, grinning nonchalantly. "Don't worry, I'm pretty sure I didn't break anything."

"No, that part's my fault," sniffed Lenalee. "If I hadn't wanted to go on a picnic…"

"N-no, Lenalee," Allen said quickly, trying to shake off his doom-and-gloom aura. "It's not your fault at all."

Lavi stared at them intently. Allen and Lenalee turned to look at him, "picnic?" almost visibly hanging in the air above his head. Eyes twitching, they stared back at him silently, daring him to ask.

And he did.

"Picnic? Eh? Picnic?" asked Lavi, poke-poke-poking them with each of his words.

Lenalee stood up so fast her chair fell over. "I'm going downstairs," she said stiffly, and marched out the door, leaving poor Allen helplessly in Lavi's clutches.

Lavi slid his chair closer. "So what's this I hear about a picnic, A-llen?"

"N-nothing," said Allen, eyes narrowed stubbornly.

"N-n-n-n-nothing?" Lavi poked.

Allen looked around desperately, and, head still pounding slightly, decided to make a run for it. He could still make it. Probably.

As Lavi inched his chair closer and closer and closer, Allen hopped out of bed, wobbling a little as he attempted to get his bearings.

"A-llen," sang Lavi, "What's this I hear about a picnic?"

And with that, Allen took to his heels and made for the door.

"Oi!" Lavi jumped out of his own chair, sending it skittering across the wooden floor. "Where do you think you're going?"

Allen, hearing Lavi's running footsteps behind him, ran faster. Almost to the stairs, almost to the stairs, almost to the stairs…

And yes, Allen _was_ almost to the stairs. Unfortunately, he was a bit closer than he'd thought and, unable to stop in time, tripped, a mistake which sent him falling, headfirst, down the entire flight of stairs.

* * *

_Eh heh heh heh. Falling down stairs. It seems oh so painful. Oh well. Poor Allen will just have to endure. Uh…what else…please review? I really love reviews. They make me so happy. I want to know if you liked it. If you really don't want to review, though, please keep reading. I'll try my best to make it a good one. And don't forget, I'm always open to ideas. (__**Kiarra-Chan**__, thanks for the idea. I'll be sure to stick it in there soon-ish.)_

_Oh, sorry, I just realized I didn't get to the karaoke. Oops._


	5. Karaoke Night?

_Here's the next chapter. This might sound weird, but when I sit here, typing this, I really try very hard to make a story people can laugh about. I personally love cracking up reading funny stories, and I wish to bring the same joy to people. :0_

_But enough of being serious. Time to get down to BUSINESS. Yes yes. Suddenly, I feel a hundred times more spaz-tastic, and I don't know why. I WANT TO SCREAM. But I won't. Wow, what's wrong with me? Oh, almost forgot._

**Disclaimer: OWN NOT D. GRAY-MAN DO I. **

**Chapter Summary: As the evening drags on, bad things continue to happen…will Allen ever escape this never-ending nightmare?**

* * *

A distraught cry rang through the rickety inn, interrupting some of the guests and their eating dinner. Lavi looked up from where he was crouched on the floor, busily poking Allen to see if he was, in fact, still alive after his monstrous fall down the stairs.

There came Lenalee, running down the hallway.

"Lavi, what have you done?" she wailed.

"I didn't do anything!" poor Lavi protested, leaving out the part where he'd been closing in on Allen in an attempt to make him squirm (and possibly get some good gossip, too).

But Lenalee ignored his denials, worriedly wondering what she should do. What _were_ you supposed to do in this kind of situation? She'd dealt with lots of things, but…falling down stairs?

"I hope he didn't go and break his neck," commented Lavi, through with trying to prove himself innocent.

Lenalee's eyes widened in horror. "What? You don't think…"

A sudden moan caused the both of them to look down, dark thoughts momentarily interrupted. It was Allen, quite alive (probably) and attempting to sit up.

"Don't tell her things like that," groaned Allen, whose neck was apparently not broken. He did, however, look even worse than he had before the stairs incident.

"Allen!" cried Lenalee, trying (unsuccessfully) to help him sit up. "Are you _trying_ to kill yourself?"

"I always thought you were more coordinated than that," added Lavi innocently.

Allen shook his head. He was not amused.

"Allen, stop moving," ordered Lenalee. "Is anything broken?"

"Yeah, Allen, is anything broken?" Lavi said before being smacked in the arm by Lenalee.

Allen sighed. It just wasn't his day; he'd never thought he'd die doing something as simple as going on a picnic or running down a hallway.

"Well," said Lavi, "Can you get upstairs, or something?"

Like Allen really wanted to go back up what he'd just fallen down. Plus, he was hungry. Really hungry.

"No way," Lenalee said. "There's no way he's going back up those stairs right now."

Allen, who was still quite there, despite being ignored, spoke up. "Um, I'm pretty sure I can get up…"

"You're not going up those stairs." Lenalee stared him into submission before continuing. "Besides, we haven't eaten anything all day."

Everyone agreed with _that_.

So Allen ended up being "helped" (or pulled, rather) along by Lavi and Lenalee as they made their way down to the small dining room, despite protests that he was perfectly fine walking on his own. Actually, he'd have probably sustained less damage if they hadn't been "helping" him.

As they entered the dining room, a hush descended on the few people eating there. The still-strong wind rattled doors and windows and sent a bucket crashing into the side of the building. The guests weren't sure what to make of this odd trio, especially the battered one in the middle. What kind of place _was_ this?

Picking out a table over by a dark window, the three sat down, (Allen with a large groan), and gave a collective sigh.

"Well, glad that's over with," said Lavi, sitting back. "Time to eat. I'm starving."

**********

"What? Lenalee's missing?" Kanda stared at Komui, who appeared to have been bawling his eyes out. Wait, scratch that. He was _still_ bawling his eyes out. "So?"

Komui gasped in absolute shock. How could this delinquent of a boy be so…so…so heartless? His darling sister was somewhere out there with that…that…delinquent of a boy? Gasp! They were all delinquents!

"You're so heartless," sobbed Komui. "That's it. You're not getting any cake."

Kanda stared some more. "What cake?"

"The one you're not getting any of!" And with that, Komui turned and stalked down the hallway, leaving Kanda to his work, whatever it was.

Kanda growled. Why was everyone here so _weird_?

**********

Allen almost fainted with delight when he was finally given some food. Apart from being bruised and battered and bloody, he was extremely, unbearably hungry. If he could get one of those under control, chances were he'd feel a whole lot better. And, since he didn't think the bruising was going to go away anytime soon, he'd decided tackling the hunger part was his best bet.

There was a whole cart full of food upstairs, of course, but with that hasty exit…and that fall down the stairs…well, it was probably cold now, anyway.

Shoving food into his mouth, Lavi sighed in contentment, nearly choking to death as it got lodged in his airway. Allen wolfed down a piece of cake, and Lenalee attempted to cover him up with more bandages. It was okay, though; with all that circulation cut off, he really couldn't feel much, anyway. All in all, they were feeling much better than they had earlier.

Suddenly, the room erupted in a noisy murmur. Allen and Lavi paused from their eating and glanced up. And…it looked like nothing had happened.

"Allen, stop moving, you're making this bandage come loose," said Lenalee, pulling harder on the strip, although it probably wasn't possible for the thing to get any tighter.

"Hey, wait a second," said Lavi, putting down the loaf of bread he was eating. "Who's that?"

Following his pointing finger, Lenalee and Allen looked up to the front of the room, where the bar was located. They watched curiously as a short, fat man came waddling out, clapping his hands together.

"It's time for Karaoke Thursday!" he cried, and everyone in the room clapped.

Everyone, that is, except for Allen, Lavi, and Lenalee, who stared, dumbstruck, as the short fat man pointed at them. Or, to be exact, at Allen.

After an awkward silence in which he found everyone staring at him, Allen pointed nervously to himself. "…me?"

"Yes, you!" said the short fat man. "What's your name?"

"Um…Allen?" said Allen uncertainly.

The short fat man whipped out a battered songbook. "Huzzah, Allen is tonight's first contestant!"

"Huzzah!" cried the other occupants of the room.

"What?" said Lavi and Lenalee in unison.

"Uh, no thanks," Allen weakly protested.

The other occupants, however, had other ideas. Several of them stood up and, horrifyingly, began to drag Allen up to the front of the room.

"Hey!" yelled Lenalee, yanking on Allen's arm. "What do you think you're-"

"Karaoke night!" sang out the short fat man.

* * *

_Uwa, sorry, this chapter was…difficult for me to write. I didn't know where the heck I was going, but I knew I wanted to end up with karaoke. It's about time. Hopefully it will be smooth sailing from here but, as said before, I can only think of so many ideas. I've received one already from a reader, and so I'm inviting you to suggest some as well. I'd love it if you would._

_I'd tell you a bit about where this is going, but…hah, I wouldn't want to spoil it for you. Oh, and any ideas concerning songs you'd like Allen (or anyone else) to sing are quite welcome. Thanks again for reading! And thanks to you, reviewers, and I'll try to respond quickly if you do review._


	6. Allen, Singer

__

Reading D. Gray-Man always gets me in the mood for writing up some stories. I'm so excited right now I could explode, but I won't, because that'd be a horrible mess and I wouldn't get to read any more. Why do I get so hyper? Oh well, oh well. Here we go with the next chapter. I'm trying not to babble as much.

As per **Kiarra-Chan**'s request, Allen will be giving us his lovely rendition of a song by **Panic! At the Disco**. Remember, I'm always up for requests and such, so feel free to send them in.

Oh, credit for the surprise twist in this chapter goes to **addenza**. Yay. :3

****

Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man OR the song Allen's going to sing for you all.

Chapter Summary: Karaoke night? Does Allen have a good singing voice, or…

* * *

Standing up at the front of the room, Allen looked around nervously. He was not exactly wanting to jump-start his singing career, and…well, suffice it to say he had never been fond of karaoke.

"Wait, I really don't…I mean, I can't…" protested Allen. He looked to Lenalee and Lavi for help.

Big mistake. There was Lavi, thumbs up, giving him the go-ahead. And poor Lenalee looked like she had no idea what was going on, but her confused frown offered no help, either.

"Come on, Allen Walker!" said the short fat man, clapping his hands rapidly. "I'm sure you have a-"

Allen's eye twitched. "What did you just call me?"

The short fat man frowned. "Well, I…um…called you by your name, of course." He laughed nervously.

"But I never told you my name!" Allen cried, jumping back and pointing an accusatory figure at the now-suspicious man.

"We want songs! We want songs!" chanted the rest of the crowd, apparently wanting songs.

Allen, however, was more concerned about the weird karaoke guy knowing his name.

"Oh, darn," said the short fat man, not sounding very unhappy at all. "I thought I was doing so well, too…guess that's what I get for skipping breakfast."

And with that, he pulled off his face.

"OH MY GOD," screamed a man at one of the tables. "He _pulled off_ his _face_!"

Yes, this may have been a very gruesome event, indeed, if the short fat man had not had a convenient second face underneath that first one.

"There, are you happy now?" he said, dropping his mask on the ground. "Now go on and sing, Allen Walker!"

Allen almost bit off his tongue. "Th-th-th-th-the _Millenium Earl_?"

Lenalee and Lavi immediately stood up, chairs crashing to the floor.

"Settle down, settle down." The Earl waved a hand dismissively, then placed his hat back on his head. "We're all just here for some good old karaoke."

"Not possible," said Lavi, picking up his chair and hurling it across the room. It missed the Earl by inches, but he didn't seem perturbed in the least.

"Well," said the Earl, ignoring Lavi completely, "We were betting on whether you can sing or not, and I guess I just won. By default, of course, but still."

Allen was thoroughly freaked out by now. Betting? On whether or not he could sing? Well, it really wasn't his problem if-

"Oi!" yelled Lavi from across the room. "He can sing! Bet ya!"

Allen's heart nearly stopped.

"Lavi!" hissed Lenalee, "What are you _doing_? That's the Millennium Earl! You're not supposed to _gamble_ with him!"

"Listen, we want to beat him, right?" Lavi whispered, keeping an eye on the events at the front of the room. "Well, what do you think will happen if we don't do anything?"

Lenalee was silent for a moment, then said, "…he'd win by default?"

"Exactly. So, if we bet and win, then we'd really be doing a good thing, you see?" Lavi finished explaining things in his warped logic, and, sadly, Lenalee couldn't argue. It was true that they would win and the Earl would lose, but…

Meanwhile, up at the front of the room, poor Allen was trying desperately to escape. The crowd, however, wouldn't let him and, because they were just horribly confused normal people, it wasn't as if he could simply kill them all.

"Sing!" cried the crowd. "Sing!"

"That's right!" said the Earl. "We want singing!"

At his wits end, Allen suddenly noticed a frantic waving at the back of the room. It was Lavi and Lenalee, the former looking ecstatic and the latter looking irritated and slightly nervous. Oh no.

"Hey, Earl!" cried Lavi, "We want to take you up on that bet!"

The Earl turned. "Hmm? More money for the pot?" He pondered this for a moment. "Well, I suppose it would be okay. Fun! More fun, that's it!"

"What?" Allen stared at Lenalee, who just shrugged unhappily. He wasn't even going to _look_ at Lavi, that dirty traitor.

"Sing, Allen Walker," said the Earl, snapping his fingers. He was followed by the rest of the crowd, who snapped _their_ fingers as well.

Sighing, Allen finally resigned himself to his fate. He would have to sing, and he would have to sing well. Who knew what Lavi would do to him if he didn't?

"You can do it, Allen!" cheered Lenalee, biting her lip, because he looked so horribly distressed. Stupid Lavi.

The truth was, Allen had never tried singing before. Sure, he'd whistled, or hummed a tune, but…singing? Well, this was it. He took a deep breath, and began to sing.

The Earl watched with interest. He wasn't about to tell the two in the back that he had actually bet in Allen's favor…the whole 'winning by default' thing had only been a bit of a…well, it was a lie, but who cared? If it made things more interesting…

"_When the moon fell in love with the sun_," Allen sang, "_All was golden in the sky_. _All was golden when the day met the night._"

Lavi and Lenalee were on the edges of their seats. Well, Lenalee was, but, since Lavi had thrown his chair, he was _figuratively_ on the edge of his seat. It counts.

Allen continued. "_When the sun found the moon, she was drinking tea in a garden, under the green umbrella trees, in the middle of summer._"

"Well, I'll be," said Lavi, pretending he hadn't just been terrified about losing the bet. "Allen's…_good_."

And it was true, Allen was good. He was so good that one of the ladies in the front row fainted as if seeing a member of her favorite boy band. Even Lenalee was awestruck.

"_When the moon found the sun, he looked like he was barely hanging on._" Allen glanced around nervously. Were they staring at him because he was horrible, or because he wasn't? "_But her eyes saved his life, in the middle of summer._"

And then, suddenly, oddly, and horrifyingly, Allen found himself thinking about Lenalee. Why, he couldn't say, but his face turned red and he forgot the words.

_He forgot the words_.

"Um…" Allen desperately tried to remember where he had left off. Lavi was going to _kill_ him.

"Forget it, Allen Walker, that's enough," said the Earl with a wave of his hand. "Because…"

"Did we win?" said Lavi, growing nervous again.

The Earl allowed a deafening pause to fill the room before saying, "Well, I suppose, but the important part is that _I_ won!"

"…huh?" Lavi, Lenalee, and Allen all stared at the Earl who, apart from making them incredibly nervous, was starting to make them incredibly annoyed.

"That's right, I was betting for you the whole time!" said the Earl with glee, clapping his hands. "And now I've won!"

Lavi stared at him. "Wait, so…you…we…"

"You know, I bet in favor of Allen, but if it had been you, I'd have bet against," said the Earl, giggling to himself.

"_What_?" yelled Lavi, ready to throttle the stupid guy. "What do you mean you'd have bet against?"

The people looked on, finding tonight's karaoke session to be incredibly entertaining.

Allen, however, didn't find it entertaining at all. He was, in fact, trying to suppress the urge to obliterate Lavi, when he felt a tug on his arm. Glancing over, he saw Lenalee, a dark expression on her face.

"Let's go," she said, obviously deeply annoyed.

Truth be told, Lenalee scared Allen whenever she got like that. But still…

"W-what about Lavi?" Allen glanced over at Lavi, who was in a shouting match with the Earl.

"I totally can sing!" Lavi was yelling.

"What about Lavi?" said Lenalee in that eerie tone. And with that, she turned and marched out of the room.

And Allen, with one last glance behind him, hurried after her.

* * *

_So there it is. I did, however, get another song request. I hope you don't mind if Lavi sings it, **Evil Snail Overlord**._

_Oh, dear, looks like Lavi's being left behind. Will he return? Who knows? I mean really, I have no idea. What do you think? Do you want him to catch up and be included in the misadventures of Allen and Lenalee? Please let me know, and I'll be sure to make it happen, whatever you want._

_Once again, thanks so much for reading. Until next time~_


	7. Lavi, Singer

_Sometimes I'm amazed that people actually enjoy reading what I write. It makes me happy, especially when people tell me they laughed. The harder, the better. I love laughing…like I said before, I always want to make others laugh with the things I write._

_Anyway, this chapter. I almost died looking up those High School Musical lyrics (not a fan, sorry), but it's for the Greater Good. Namely the readers. Namely __**Evil Snail Overlord**__. I hope you enjoy. :3_

_Oh, and Lavi will be returning, don't worry. He just has to catch up. Oh, and thank you so very much, reviewers. Your reviews make me happy. So happy._

**Disclaimer: I DISCLAIM all claims to owning either D. Gray-Man, or anything High School Musical. Especially the actual songs.**

**Chapter Summary: Lavi is left in the clutches of a crowd starved for karaoke, while Allen and Lenalee make their escape…into further calamity.**

* * *

As soon as they'd stepped outside, Allen and Lenalee had been assaulted by huge gusts of wind. It apparently hadn't died down any since they'd come to the inn…in fact, it almost seemed to have _worsened_.

"What now?" said Allen, covering his eyes against the sand being blown around.

Lenalee, who was trying to keep her footing, shouted, "_What_?"

Uncovering his eyes in an attempt to turn and make himself better heard, Allen noticed, with much horror, that sand wasn't the only thing being blown around in the swirling wind.

"Look out!" he cried, seeing a branch come skittering across the ground straight towards them. It was a big branch, too. The kind with the eye-gouging spikes. And Allen didn't particularly like having his eyes gouged out.

"What?" said Lenalee, turning. And there was the branch, which was really more like a small tree.

Suddenly, Lenalee was yanked sideways, and the stupid small-tree went bowling past. Both she and Allen crashed into the side of the wall, but ended up otherwise unharmed.

Allen sighed and pushed his hair out of his eyes. "Well, that was…close…"

And it was. They'd only narrowly missed having their eyes gouged out.

Sitting up against the wall at least provided a little protection, but…glancing over, Lenalee realized that Allen was way too close for comfort. Shoulders-touching definitely made her blush. She stood up abruptly.

"A-anyway," said Lenalee, turning her head away, "We really should try to get back before my brother explodes. Although he might have already. In which case we'd be okay, because he wouldn't catch us."

Allen stood up, a new horror added to his list of many. Maybe he'd just never go back. Ever.

Turning to him, Lenalee said, "I know what you're thinking, but you can't just never go back."

"Why not?" said Allen shiftily. "I could get a job as a professional poker player, and sleep under bridges."

Lenalee stared at him. "Allen, I don't think playing poker is a profession."

Allen sighed. It would never have worked, anyway. And sleeping under bridges was awful.

"Which way back?" he said sullenly, resigned to his fate. He hadn't been conscious when they'd come here, so he had no idea. Besides, he was bad with directions.

Lenalee frowned. "To tell you the truth…I have no idea."

No idea? She had no idea? Allen stared at her in disbelief and horror.

"W-well, Lavi just wandered around until we found this place…" said Lenalee, attempting to place the blame on someone else…although it _was_ mostly Lavi's fault. "Besides, we fell off that cliff…"

Allen shuddered, remembering.

"So." Lenalee looked around. "I guess we'd better ask for directions."

"Where?" sighed Allen, after which he was almost blown over by a gust of wind. "These houses all look boarded up to me."

Shielding her eyes with her hands, Lenalee looked around. It took her a while before she spotted a dot of light far off into the distance.

"There!" she said, pointing triumphantly. Everything would be all right, now.

Allen sighed again. "I guess we really don't have much of a choice…"

A sudden gust of wind reminded him that they really, _really_ didn't have much of a choice.

And so, slightly dreary, the two set off down the dusty street of the town, sidestepping branches and buckets and who knows what else, towards the tiny light off in the distance.

**********

"I can so sing, and I'll _prove_ it to you," said Lavi crossly. He stared at the Millennium Earl, not telling him that he'd never actually had to sing before. He was sure he'd be good at it, though. It was just singing. It wasn't that hard, right?

The Earl shrugged. "Go for it. Means more money for me, anyway." And really, more money was always a good thing.

So, in front of the anticipating crowd, Lavi took a deep breath and began to sing the first thing that popped into his head.

"_We're soarin', flyin', there's not a star in heaven that we can't reach,_" sang Lavi.

The crowd stared, completely silent.

Lavi continued, not even noticing the silence for the horrendous noise that was coming from his vocal cords, singing both parts because he couldn't remember which part was the right part. "_If we're tryin', so we're breaking free…_"

A murmur stirred among the crowd. Never before had they heard something that sounded so close to…well, "death" was the only sensation they could possibly compare it to. Even the Earl, who had indeed bet against Lavi's being able to sing, was awestruck by how incredibly awful it was.

"_You know the world can see us…in a way that's different than who we are…_"

"That's enough!" cried one of the men in the crowd. "I'm going to die if you keep singing!"

"I'm going to _kill_ myself if you keep singing!" shouted a woman.

Another man stood up. "Well, I'm going to kill _you_ if you don't quit!"

Lavi stared at them as they all began to stand up. He felt a sense of unease as they began to heft heavy wooden chairs, eyes set upon him. And when they actually started staggering forward, he decided it was time to leave, and took off running.

"Well," said the Earl with glee, "That was fun."

**********

Komui roamed the halls, punching things. He was panicked and furious…mostly furious, now that he'd gotten over the initial panic. How dare that little brat Allen take off with _his_ sister? That's right, it was all Allen's fault. Lenalee would never do such a horrible thing on her own.

It was through this logic that Komui vowed revenge on Allen Walker. There were oh-so-many things he could do, just thinking about it satisfied him. For a few minutes, anyway.

Allen would never know what hit him.

* * *

_GASP! What in the world is Komui planning? This chapter's a bit short, but don't worry, that means the next one will be updated soon. Like, really soon. I had to end somewhere. D:_

_Once again, if you have any ideas, please send them in! Whenever I run out of ideas, the story tends to die. Oops._

_Thanks very much for reading, and I look forward to your reviews. ;D_

_Oh, and I can't for the life of me remember that guy's name. So many Google results...you know, the poor guy who always has to pick up Komui's slack. The one with the hair. What's his name, again? So forgetful. ;-;_


	8. A Terrifying Twist :0

_Next chapter, next chapter, yay, it's the next chapter. Mm, it's late and I need to get to bed, but I'm writing anyway. Because I have lots of great ideas. Involving zombies. Wouldn't it be absolutely horrifying if there were a zombie apocalypse? And OH MY GOD, I HAVE A HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD. This is WORSE than a zombie apocalypse. How in the world am I going to get to sleep now?_

_On another note, thanks to the readers, and thanks to the reviewers, and thanks to those reviewers who helped me remember Reever's name. And now you all know my deep, dark secret about being bad with names. But! I'm really good with faces! D:_

…_and I feel really stupid right now because I just found his name on Wikipedia. I thought I already looked…_

**Disclaimer: For the last time, I DO NOT own D. Gray-Man. Okay, maybe not for the last time. You know you'll see it up here again next chapter.**

**Chapter Summary: As Allen and Lenalee make it towards the light, some unexpected and truly-horrifying things occur…**

* * *

The wind continued to blow and blow and blow, making it incredibly difficult for anyone who might be trudging down the middle of a dusty street in the late evening. Fortunately, most people were smart enough to stay home in such weather.

Allen thought of this fact glumly as he and Lenalee trudged down the middle of a dusty street in the late evening, with the wind hitting them head-on most of the time, occasionally swirling around to attempt to knock them over.

"It's almost as if it were doing it on purpose," said Lenalee, laughing nervously as she clutched Allen's hand in a death-grip.

Yes, it certainly seemed that way, but Allen wasn't about to admit it. His face was a mask of stubbornness as he marched forward, leaning severely into the wind, sometimes nearly falling over.

"If Lavi were here," he said, through gritted teeth, "We could use him as a shield."

Unfortunately, Lavi was not there. He was…well, neither of them knew exactly where he was, just that they'd left him behind to face the problem's he'd gotten himself into.

Lenalee sidestepped a cat that was being blown across the street, accidentally almost pulling Allen directly into its path.

Gradually, the light in the distance had been getting closer. And, to Allen and Lenalee's utter relief, it was almost directly ahead. Through the swirling dust, they could see that it was coming from a little shack. The shack, unfortunately, didn't look particularly promising, but at least someone was there. Hopefully.

Stumbling through a wrought-iron gate that was swinging dreadfully on its hinges, Allen could see the shack straight up ahead. Lenalee, however, who was slightly behind, noticed something entirely more troublesome.

"Um, Allen," she said, tugging on his hand. "Allen, you might want to…"

Turning to hear what she was saying, Allen missed the point entirely and banged his shin on something rock-solid. He fell backwards, taking Lenalee with him.

"Watch out for those rocks," Lenalee finished, now sprawled in the dirt.

Allen lay on the ground and stared up at the sky, which kept being obscured by the clouds of dust being blown about in the wind. Why him? Why was he being punished? What had he ever done to deserve this? Was he not even safe from picnics ending in disaster?

Lenalee had sat up and was looking worriedly at Allen, wondering if he'd gotten a concussion, or internal bleeding, or brain trauma, or something. He didn't usually _act_ like that…

Finally, though, Allen sat up. He sighed as the infernal wind continued to blow his hair into his face. However, for a split second the wind tried to trick them and blow in the opposite direction, and Allen saw exactly what it was that he'd smacked his shin on.

It was a crumbling, worn, dirty-looking, poor excused for a headstone.

Lenalee noticed it too, and, glancing around, could count at least…no, she couldn't even count the others. Well, truthfully, the dust and wind made visibility pretty low, but still, there were a lot. Probably.

Allen shuddered. "This suddenly feels like a really awful horror story."

"The kind where those people get eaten by zombies and are never heard from again?" said Lenalee, moving closer.

"Yes," said Allen, although he really had been trying not to think about which particular awful horror story their situation was like. "But we're not in an awful horror story, so we'll be fine. Probably."

Lenalee didn't like that "probably". She stood up, reluctantly using one of those headstones for balance, dragging Allen up with her.

"Let's get going," said Lenalee, not wanting to admit she was scared out of her wits, "We're almost to that…um…well, it sort of looks like a run-down shack…"

"But it has lights, " Allen reminded her halfheartedly.

"And besides, there's nothing to be scared of!" Lenalee was mostly talking to herself, but the pep-talk didn't really work. She was still scared out of her wits. Maybe she shouldn't have brought up that zombie story…

Looking around, Allen searched for any way that could possibly have been easier than meandering around headstones in a windstorm. Fortunately, there was a path in the middle of it all, although it was overgrown and slightly creepy-looking. Still, it was better than nothing.

"Come on," said Allen, starting forward.

Lenalee trailed reluctantly behind as they made their way down the misshapen row of graves towards that not-very-promising path. They were making their way, though, and the run-down shack was no longer looking like a far-off possibility.

And then Allen tripped.

Really, this shouldn't have come as a surprise, considering everything else that had been happening to him over the course of the day. Still, it was unexpected, and Lenalee almost tripped over Allen as he went sprawling in the dirt.

"Allen!" cried Lenalee, nerves already getting the best of her. "Are you okay?"

Allen replied with a muffled "yeah", then slowly pushed himself up and looked around, wondering what had tripped him.

And then Lenalee screamed.

It was a horrible, ear-splitting, wake-the-dead scream, but that wasn't much of a problem, since, apparently, the dead had already been woken.

"Oh my _God_," wailed Allen, trying to get away but slipping in the dust and dead grass. "What is _that_!?"

Well, really, Allen. Obviously a hand, sticking out of the dirt, its fingers grasping for something, presumably human flesh.

Lenalee, then, began to hyperventilate. This was all too much. She was exhausted, and now…now…

To make matters worse, the hand began to dig at the ground. Allen and Lenalee watched, wide-eyed, as, slowly, a head made its way out of the dirt.

The head was truly horrible-looking, with its mindless zombie stare and its drooling zombie mouth. Not to mention all that rotting skin. No, the zombie had clearly seen better days, although, to its credit, it had retained a bit of its frizzled hair.

"HuUUmAaaAn," said the zombie. "fLESsH."

"A-a-a-llen," gasped Lenalee, still hyperventilating. Actually, it had probably gotten worse.

Scrambling up, Allen was unable to take his eyes off the nasty sight. It wouldn't even have been so bad had the zombie not clearly hungered for human flesh. Apparently zombies aren't bothered by cannibalism. Although…was a zombie considered a human? Or were they a sort of sub-species?

Still, Allen felt a little sad for the flesh-craved zombie, because he was one of those goody-goody guys who always feel bad for anything human or previously-human. This sadness, however, wasn't enough to persuade him to stay there for a second longer, and, just as he made up his mind to run towards that shack for all he was worth, a second hand popped up.

Lenalee, wide-eyed and breathing in an unadvisable manner, pointed.

Allen looked from Lenalee to the hand and back to Lenalee because, frankly, she didn't look so good. This was emphasized by the fact that she almost fell over and had to use one of the dreaded headstones for support.

"L-let's go," said Allen, trying to ignore the numerous hands beginning to pop out of the ground, and the one hand continuing to dig the rest of itself out. Grabbing Lenalee's arm, Allen took off straight for the shack, wind or no wind. Forget that stupid path. All that mattered was not being eaten by zombies.

**********

Komui laughed ominously to himself as he scribbled away at his desk. He was working on his Grand Master Plan to Get Revenge on Allen Walker and Make Him Pay (exclamation, exclamation, exclamation). For short, it was called Revenge.

Reever took one look and sighed. He didn't even want to get involved, but…why was Komui forever dodging work, but he could slave away at some ridiculous grand master plan to cause Allen to suffer?

Another wave of dark laughs floated out of the room, causing Reever to abruptly close the door without even starting in on his usual nagging.

He really, really didn't want to get dragged into this one. He didn't want anyone else to get involved, either, which was why he stuck a note on the door.

"Warning," read the note, "The Head Officer has finally snapped. Enter at your own risk." There. They'd know not to enter. Considering what had happened all those times before…

Suddenly, Reever heard his name called from behind the closed door.

"Reever," yelled Komui, cackling, "I know it's you out there! Come in and help me get this done before that little punk Allen comes back!"

Thinking it best to pretend he hadn't heard that, Reever took off down the hall.

* * *

_I keep thinking about the place with the inn and the cemetery as a wild-west town. XD_

_And I know, I know, they could get out of situations such as this way easily with their magical Exorcist Powers. But that would be no fun. Sheesh. Plus anyway, if confronted by a zombie horde, would you really be thinking your best? I didn't think so._

_Anyway, thanks so much for the ideas about Komui's revenge. This has got me thinking about the end of the story…which makes me sad…and also makes me realize that I'm SO BEHIND IN READING D. GRAY-MAN. ;_; So I'll be reading like mad, now, because I have a long way to go…oh well. Hah, I'm always looking stuff up, anyway. I do the same thing with Death Note, only I'm not even trying to read that. XD_

_And after this, I'm definitely going to write another such story, because it's just too darn fun. Okay, enough of this gloomy talk of the story's end. We've still got quite a ways to go, and I hope you stick around to see it. On a bit of a side-note, though, personality quizzes are so fun. I get distracted by them when I'm searching for things. And I'm always surprised by the results. XD_

_I wonder if other people would be surprised, too? XD_


	9. ZOMBEHS

_Ah, yes, zombies. Even though I know they're not real, it'd still be really scary, you know? It's like…like those horror movies. You know they're just movies, but they scare you to death while you're watching them._

_Coincidentally, I'm listening to "Thriller" right now._

_Anyway, I'm glad you all liked the last chapter, (at least, I know you reviewers did, and thanks for reviewing, once again). I hope those of you not reviewing liked it, too. Hopefully you will all enjoy the next chapter. I'll do my best! While listening to cheerful Beatles music. Huzzah._

**Disclamer: Cheerful-author-person does not own D. Gray-Man, but the fact that I can't put it together like it's supposed to be really bugs me. But then it just changes to -Man.**

**Chapter Summary: During a horrifying zombie encounter, Allen and Lenalee head for the mysterious rundown shack…which is terrifying in its own ways…**

* * *

Allen banged on the door of the shack, which was surprisingly sturdy for something so pathetic-looking. Glancing behind him, he saw tons of zombies, all in various states of emerging from the ground.

"Hello? Is anyone home?" Allen continued his banging, which grew more frantic. He added a "please?" for good measure.

It was no good. No one was answering. He glanced over at Lenalee, who was holding her face and frantically mumbling something about how this wasn't supposed to happen. Really, Allen agreed. One wasn't supposed to be pursued by zombies on a simple picnic.

Just when he was about to give up his banging on the door to grab a stick and attempt to give Lenalee time to run (what a joke), the door creaked open. Allen, having been in the middle of banging on the door, lost his balance and fell inside.

"Why, look, Henry, a visitor," came a voice that could only be compared to spider webs, however that works.

Allen, however, didn't have time at that exact moment for introductions. He yanked the babbling Lenalee inside, turned, and slammed the door shut, after which he slumped against it.

"Henry, look, it's _two_ visitors!" said the same voice.

Allen looked up to see a tall, spindly old woman who looked as if she were about to crumble to dust. It was actually slightly scary, but it was nothing compared to that zombie horde outside. Still, the fact that her tiny eyes were almost disappearing into her dusty skin was a little disturbing.

Still, Allen was one for proper introductions, and, after catching his breath, he said, "I'm sorry to come barging in like this, but…but I think you have a little _problem_…"

"Problem" was an understatement. Allen could already hear the moans and groans of the zombies, and, although cliché, it was all very frightening.

An old man emerged from the shadows, very spider-like himself. He was almost scarier than the lady, what with those massive circles around his eyes.

"Oh dear," he said, in a voice reminiscent of a butler in a horror movie. "Hortence, it seems they're acting up again."

"Not to worry," said the lady, whose name was apparently the unfortunate Hortence. "They haven't gotten in yet."

Yes, but it was the _yet_ that worried Allen most.

"We thought you were a ghost, coming up the walk," said Hortence in that creepy, awful, wispy voice of hers. Actually, at that point, the only thing she had going for her was the fact that she wasn't a zombie. Although she certainly seemed close enough.

The creepy guy named Henry loomed closer. "I would advise you to get away from the window," he said to someone off to the right.

Lenalee backed away from the window, still staring out. She bumped into a wobbly table and abruptly sat down on the floor.

"Now, you two _chiiiiiiiildren_ are perfectly welcome to stay the night," said Hortence. The way she said "children" seriously creeped Allen out, but it wasn't like they could go back out there and face…that army of the undead.

"We were just turning in for the night," said Henry, rubbing his hands together in a manner similarly creepy to that of the "children" thing.

And with that, they were gone, sliding up the stairs. Allen couldn't take his eyes off of them, because, to be frank, they scared the heck out of him. A sudden scratching at the window, however, reminded him of the alternative. In case you don't remember, it's those flesh-starved zombies.

After a while of silence, Lenalee whispered, "Allen, something about this feels really, really creepy."

Well, what was it? The weird old people? The zombies roaming around outside? The fact that the shack was actually very crooked? Sarcasm aside, though, Lenalee was right. And Allen felt the same way. But then, there wasn't much they could do about it, right?

Allen shivered, since he hadn't been wearing a coat since the picnic incident and didn't have the ability to make one magically appear. It was cold on the creaky, dusty floor that was probably crawling with spiders and cockroaches and poisonous snakes and infectious diseases…

_No! _Allen told himself. _Think about something positive!_

But there really was nothing positive about the situation. And the strange old people had taken their light, an unreliable candle, with them.

Suddenly, Allen felt something touch his arm. He bit back a girlish shriek as he waited for his arm to be devoured by something hungering for human flesh. He didn't think he looked particularly appetizing, but after seeing those old people, he realized he was probably the most edible thing around.

This logic did not make him feel any better. You may actually be surprised to find that it made him feel worse.

There it was again, something touching his arm. What if it was a boa constrictor? Or a black mamba? His fears were multiplied as he felt something creepishly soft brush his face.

But snakes weren't creepishly soft, were they? Not that Allen had ever had close interactions with snakes, especially snakes of the poisonous variety, so he wasn't exactly sure. Wanting to be safe rather than sorry, Allen was about to smack it and run, hoping it wouldn't be able to get him, when he noticed something distinctly un-snakelike and incredibly reassuring that made him nervously glad he hadn't attacked in some potentially-damaging way. Unless snakes smelled like raspberry shampoo, he was safe.

"Lenalee," Allen breathed, trying to pretend he hadn't almost freaked out. He wasn't managing it very well.

"I-I-I'm sorry," said Lenalee hastily, sounding sheepish. "I just-"

"It's fine, I'm just glad you're not a spider or a cockroach or some type of incredibly deadly snake," Allen said, voice still slightly wobbly from those darn nerves. Don't think about death, don't think about death, don't think about…wait a second. By telling himself not to think about death, wasn't he actually thinking about it?

Fortunately, his death-ridden thoughts were interrupted when Lenalee moaned, "This is all my fault."

Technically yes, it was. But Allen was too nice a guy to point this out.

"It's not your fault. How were you supposed to know we'd be blown off a cliff, run into the Millennium Earl, and then be pursued by a horde of zombies?"

Even to him, this didn't sound like the best consolation ever, and Lenalee cemented this suspicion as a fact when she burst into tears.

Horrified, Allen could _feel_ people thinking, "You made her cry." He didn't know what to do when girls cried! What the heck was he supposed to do _now_?

It was all good, though, because Lenalee fixed the problem by using Allen's sleeve as a towel with which to mop up her river of tears.

Finally, to Allen's utter relief, Lenalee's sobs turned to sniffles, and gradually to nothing at all. It was weird, sure, but it was a whole lot better than having to figure out what to do in that situation. Except…usually she didn't stop crying on her own.

That was when Allen began to have the sneaking suspicion that Lenalee had actually fallen asleep, which was relieving, concerning, and awkward all at the same time.

Allen sighed. Oh well.

**********

One of the members of the science branch wandered down the hallway, whistling. Although his whistling was nearly drowned out by the rattling windows and the wailing wind, he enjoyed whistling, and so he did it anyway.

Let's just call this guy…Member A.

Head Officer Komui hadn't come down to supper that evening, and Member A was taking something to his office, like he usually did. He would've asked Reever, but he had been nowhere to be found, so Member A figured he should just take the food there like normal.

Standing outside Komui's office, Member A failed to notice the piece of paper lying face-down on the floor. Instead of surveying his surroundings for possible fallen warning signs, he balanced the tray he was carrying in one hand, knocking on the door with the other one.

A few seconds passed before the door creaked slowly open. True, Member A felt a brief moment of terror, but he ignored it, as he had been practicing to avoid being scared by the Head Officer. It just didn't look good when your knees shook every time someone entered the room.

"Why hello, if it isn't…" Komui, peering out from the dark room, wracked his brain for the name of the wimpy little guy standing in front of him.

Komui ignored him when he spoke, although he was probably giving his name right then and there.

"Well, I'll just call you Member A," decided Komui. "Chop chop, I don't have all day. Get in here."

Member A, who had been dubbed "Member A", nearly dropped the tray he was holding. "W-what?"

"Get in here. I need your help with…er…something." Komui's eyes narrowed. "What, you wouldn't ignore orders from the great Komui, would you?"

And with that, he grabbed the arm of Member A and yanked the poor guy right into the room, closing the door firmly behind him.

* * *

_That's right, that's right. I couldn't think of much for this chapter. In fact, right now, I don't really remember what it is I just wrote. I hope it's not too bad. Next one'll be better, I promise, when the identities of the creepy old people are…sort of revealed, I guess. And not to worry, Lavi will be coming back soon. When I think of what happens next._

…_ideas are always welcome? :3_


	10. A Darker Fortune

_Huzzah, it is the next chapter! Thank you, readers, for reading. And thanks, those of you who review, for reviewing. I'm glad you're liking this story; I'm doing my best! :D_

_Anyhow, I'm all set to write, although I seriously need to get back to reading D. Gray-Man because I'm such a horrible person for neglecting it for so long. I just find that I get sidetracked doing other things, like taking Death Note personality quizzes and coming up with L each and every time…which…baffles and disturbs me…but this is beside the point. I don't have any writer's block for this story right now, which excites me, because I can bring you the next chapter. Oh, and…thanks to **addenza**, whose review brought the warning sign fluttering off Komui's door, and **KyuuinShinkei**__, whom you can blame for the coming AllenxLenalee. Now, on to the story. I warn you, it's not about to get any less crazy._

**Disclamer: Yeah, here it is again. The disclaimer. Which means…I don't own D. Gray-Man. I am not, however, about to go off on how if I did, I'd be rich. Although it's true.**

**Chapter Summary: Allen learns not to trust creepy old people the hard way, and Lenalee's fortune comes true.**

* * *

Allen awoke with a start to hear someone whispering in an extremely creepy manner.

"I don't know, Henry, he's awfully scrawny," came the cobwebby voice of that creepy old lady.

"I'm sure he only looks scrawny, Hortence." The old man wasn't very good at whispering; neither of them were. Allen could hear them as clear as day, and he was getting slightly annoyed, because of the mere fact that they were calling him scrawny. He just knew they were talking about him.

Sighing, which he seemed to be doing a lot of that day, Allen looked down at his arm, which was falling asleep. His back was killing him, too, from sitting up against that awful wall all night. Pins and needles, pins and needles. However, even that unpleasant sensation of a zillion needles jabbing into his poor arm wasn't enough to cause him to disturb Lenalee, who was still snuggled up against him. Wishing he had a blanket to put over her, Allen attempted to ignore the frightful whispering floating from some unknown location.

Sadly, ignoring the whispering was not to be Allen's luck. Scattered among the bits and pieces he was trying to filter out, he distinctly caught something very, very disturbing.

"I'm sure he's perfectly tasty."

It was Henry, and Allen was frightened to know what the heck he was talking about.

"Besides," Henry continued, Allen listening intently, "The other one's way, way, way too skinny."

Hortence sighed. "I guess maybe we could make soup with the bones, or something."

At this, Allen almost yelped. He had been hoping he'd just been mistaken, but…but…soup? Bones? _Perfectly tasty_? Lenalee had been right when she'd said the whole thing felt creepy; it wasn't just the impending threat of a zombie attack.

Oh dear, Allen had forgotten about the zombies.

Gradually, as Allen listened in tensely, the whispers faded, and the two creepy elderly people tromped back up the stairs they had come down. This was probably for the best, since Allen didn't exactly want to fight a couple of old people (how would he explain that?). Still, they had to get out of there.

"Lenalee," hissed Allen, nudging her with his arm. "Lenalee, wake up before those old people decide to eat us!"

Lenalee twitched, which Allen was sure was a sign that she was waking up. But no, all she did was bury her face right into his shoulder.

Truth be told, Allen almost choked to death before the old freaks could eat him. He didn't, of course, but his coughing _did_ end up shaking Lenalee awake.

Yawning, Lenalee sat up and rubbed her eyes. It took her a minute to remember she was in a rickety old shack surrounded by terrifying zombies.

Now awake, Lenalee was glad the darkness hid the fact that she was blushing immensely. She hadn't meant to use Allen as a pillow.

"Lenalee," Allen hissed. "We have to go. Now."

In the eerie darkness, Lenalee had to squint really, really hard in order to see Allen. "What? Why? And why are you whispering?"

"Because," said Allen quietly, glancing towards the stairs, "There's something not right about those…those two old people…"

Lenalee stared at him. She was completely lost. What could possibly be wrong with a couple of old people, besides the fact that they were incredibly creepy?

"Look, do you remember that one story…the one with the woodcutter, and the kids, and the mean lady?" Allen said, attempting to describe the story of "Hansel and Gretel", but not quite making it.

"No." Lenalee yawned again. She was still tired.

Allen bit his lip and tried to think of the story. "Uh…they went into the woods with pebbles and breadcrumbs."

Lenalee still didn't remember, but the mention of breadcrumbs made her stomach grumble.

"The gingerbread house!" cried Allen, waving his arms over his head. "The big gingerbread house! And the witch! And the oven!"

"Allen," said Lenalee, "Just get to the point."

But Allen didn't have time to get to the point before the flickering light of a candle brightened the room, causing both him and Lenalee to shade their eyes.

"Well, _ch-ch-chh-chi-chilldren_," said Hortence, almost visibly salivating, "What's the matter?"

Allen gulped. The old lady looked even creepier than usual. In fact, he half expected her to whip out a giant butcher knife and come running at them on those spindly legs of hers.

To Allen's horror, Hortence began to take something from behind her back. The butcher knife!

And Hortence pulled out…a plate of fortune cookies.

"I thought you might be hungry," said Hortence, putting the plate on the rickety wooden table in the middle of the room. A spider skittered out of the way.

"N-n-n-no thank you!" squeaked Allen, pressing against the wall. He was not going to let the creepy old woman attempt to fatten him up! Besides, there was no way she could manage it, Allen realized with a feeling of triumph. He could eat heaps and heaps of food and not gain a pound. Still, there was no one who could get him to eat those fortune cookies. He glanced over at Lenalee.

To his horror, Lenalee was no longer there.

No, Lenalee was standing up and being handed a fortune cookie by Hortence.

"Lenalee, wait!" cried Allen, jumping up.

Both Lenalee and Hortence stared at him, although there was a noticeable difference between the two. Where Hortence's eyes were fairly boring a hole through his skull with their blank blackness, (plus, she had no eyebrows…_no eyebrows_), Lenalee's were horribly confused. Lovely, but still horribly confused.

Allen shook his head and wondered what was wrong with him to be thinking pointless things about Lenalee's eyes at a time like this. Those cookies were probably laced with something. Something…something…well, something poisonous, at least. But how in the world was he supposed to say that right now?

"I think you need to sit down," said Lenalee. "You're acting kind of weird."

Desperate, Allen actually tried to communicate telepathically.

It didn't work. Lenalee just ended up taking him by the arm and making him sit down in one of the nearly-collapsing wooden chairs.

"I baked these myself," said Hortence, which was a huge lie because, just the other day, she'd bought a whole barrel of them from a street vendor. From personal experience, people loved fortune cookies…these kids shouldn't be able to resist.

Allen stared stubbornly at the plate, refusing to take one, although he was slightly starving again.

"Cookie?" creaked Hortence, sliding the plate closer. "Cookie?"

"No thanks," said Allen, staring at her.

Hortence's eyes narrowed, almost disappearing, being as they were so small. The kid was on to her, she was sure of it. How did he know the fortune cookies had a much darker fortune inside? Hortence almost giggled when she thought of this "darker fortune" business…it sounded so ominous and dramatic. Really, though, cyanide was a pretty dark fortune.

But the stupid boy still wouldn't eat one!

So, Hortence turned to the other kid. "Why don't you eat a cookie, dear?" she suggested, doing her best impression of someone's granny.

Lenalee smiled and, to Allen's horror, took the cookie being offered to her.

"L-Lenalee, wait," said Allen, absolutely positive she was going to eat it. Eat it, and die. Or something.

Lenalee sighed. "What?"

"Um, there's something important I have to tell you!" And really, there was, but Allen, looking up and seeing Hortence staring at him creepily, couldn't think of a way to say, "Those cookies are probably poisoned."

Lenalee's stomach growled again, and this time she really looked as if she were about to eat the cookie.

Suddenly, Allen came up with something. "The fortune!"

"What?" Lenalee brought the cookie away from her mouth, staring at him.

"Yeah, that's it, the fortune," said Allen, thinking fast. "Don't you have to break open the cookie to get the fortune out?"

Lenalee's eyes lit up. "Oh, right. I almost forgot."

Hortence sighed, but, Allen realized, she didn't seem worried. Had she baked the poison inside the cookies? Or…or what? He was _sure_ there was poison in them, though.

Cracking the cookie in half, Lenalee pulled out a slip of paper. "'You will receive an unexpected surprise,'" she read. "Surprise. Huh, I wonder what kind?"

Allen watched nervously as she put the slip of paper on the table. She was going to eat it. But what was he supposed to do? He couldn't just say they were poisoned. Lenalee probably wouldn't believe him (why should she?), and who knew what that weird lady would do? By now, though, he was absolutely positive something was in the cookies by the way Hortence's button-eyes were nearly popping out of her head.

"I really love fortune cookies," Lenalee commented, about to eat one of the halves.

Fingers twitching, Allen knew he had to think fast, and fast. That's right, fast. But what could he do?

And then, with a horrible sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, Allen knew what he could do.

Allen stood up, chair squeaking. Hortence and Lenalee looked at him.

"Lenalee," said Allen, steeling himself, "I have to tell you something. Um, something important."

Lenalee watched him, but didn't stop bringing the cookie to her mouth. In fact, she was opening her mouth to crunch the supposedly-delicious cookie of fortune.

Really, Allen had no choice. He wished he did. But it was all such short notice and everything, you should be amazed that he even thought of something at all. I mean, really.

Oh, God, she was about to eat it.

Quickly, with super-amazing rattlesnake-like speed, Allen grabbed her arm and pulled that stupid cookie away from her mouth. Already, Hortence was fuming, and Lenalee was looking at him strangely. She was probably incredibly annoyed. Oh, dear.

Allen braced himself. And then, right there, he kissed Lenalee straight on the lips.

(You are now permitted to give a fangirlish squeal, if you are so inclined.)

Although Allen had been fully expecting Lenalee to kill him, which would have been fine, as long as she hadn't eaten the cookie, what actually happened was sort of worse.

Lenalee, eyes wide (a striking contrast to Hortence, who's eyes possibly got smaller), fainted.

* * *

_Uh, yes. Sorry for springing that on you. I had to, you understand. _

_Was that a long chapter? Maybe, maybe not. Who knows. I don't. Actually, I think it is a longer chapter. I'm really tired, and my tea is getting cold, and I was going to say something but I forgot what it was. Oh, right. About Hortence. You see, I read this book once. I think it was called **Coraline**, or something like that. And there was this creepy lady and she had buttons for eyes, or something. I think that may be how I came up with Hortence's eyes. They scare me. D:_

_And yes, they do remind me of those creepy people from **Okami**, to. I love that game. So much. I need to buy it._

_Okay, that's all. I hope you keep reading. Until next time, which will hopefully be soon. I have something planned for the zombies, you know. And Lavi. And Komui, who's mad that he wasn't in this chapter. Sorry, Komui. You'll be in the next one, I promise. And yes, I sometimes wonder how this all evolved out of a picnic._

_And people without eyebrows? Creepy. Really creepy. L has no eyebrows, and the fact that I can't figure out why greatly disturbs me._


	11. Chapter Number Something

_Ah, yes, here it is. The next chapter. I always start out with saying as how this is the next chapter, but isn't that obvious?_

_I've been thinking that I'd like to write a really bizarre story about L, because Death Note is way too heavy. But I will keep writing this one, because I do love it so. And I'm reading D. Gray-Man right now and I'm totally psyched-up to write, which is what happens whenever I read it. YES. YES. YES. Let's go! Onward! No, wait…this is so depressing…_

_Thank you, everyone who's reading this. And thanks to **addenza**, who helped Lavi make his way back into the story._

**Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man. And I don't know how I can stay creative with these things. They're so bland.**

**Chapter Summary: It seems things still aren't in the clear when something unexpected turns the tables for good.**

* * *

Allen stared at Lenalee in dismay. He'd still been holding onto her arm when she fell, so at least her head hadn't smacked against the floor, or something. And she hadn't eaten the fortune cookie, but still…

Standing by the table, Hortence stared at this strange turn of events. Poisoning would have been so much easier, but that stupid kid…oh well. At least one of them was down for the count. And really, that boy just looked so…well, scrawny.

"Henry!" called Hortence, summoning the creepy old man. "Henry, I'm going to need the big one!"

Down the stairs came Henry on his stilt-legs, staring apathetically at the scene. With his deep-set eyes and sunken cheekbones, he was truly a sight to behold…in the worst way possible.

Allen looked up from where he was slightly shaking Lenalee. He was just in time to see Henry slink in, carrying the biggest cleaver he'd ever seen.

"W-w-what?" cried Allen, eyes wide. "You don't really plan on using that, do you?"

Hortence giggled. "Why, of course. Henry and I have been so hungry, and you just look so tasty…"

That wasn't what she'd been saying earlier, of course, but it didn't matter now. She and Henry hadn't had visitors for such a long, long time, and they were so very, very hungry.

"You see," said Henry in his grave voice, "Hortence and I would love to taste your delicious flesh."

"Along with the rest of you," added Hortence, just to be sure Allen was clear on the situation.

Allen stared at them. He wasn't quite sure what they were talking about, and didn't think he really wanted to know. All he knew was that Lenalee was out cold and he was facing a very large, very shiny cleaver.

A split second later, Henry and his creepy self disappeared. One second he was there, hefting his heavy cleaver, and the next…he just wasn't. Allen looked frantically around for the old creep, but he was nowhere to be…wait a second, what was that shadow looming behind him?

There was a cackle, and Allen realized that Henry was about to bring that giant knife down on his poor little head.

Suddenly, there was a horrible noise outside. The entire shack began to shake with the commotion, as screams rent the air. There was also the distinct noise of _things_ smashing against other _things_.

Henry, his knife poised to strike, looked behind him, bewildered. What was that unearthly racket?

It didn't take them long to find out, as only moments later, a gigantic hammer came smashing right through the side of the rickety old shack, sending shards of wood raining down. An arm of the undead variety landed in the corner.

"Zombies!" Lavi was screaming, in the very distinct "bloody-murder" style. "There are _zombies_ out there!"

All of the (conscious) occupants of the room stared up at the wild-haired intruder, each of them equally shocked.

Lavi paused in his shouting and looked around surveying the damage. Maybe he'd misjudged the distance a tiny bit…

"Wait a second," said Lavi, spotting Allen kneeling on the floor. "Allen?"

"Lavi?" said Allen in an equally amazed manner.

Hortence and Henry just backed away, wondering exactly who these people _were_.

As his hammer regained its normal size, Lavi noticed Lenalee out cold on the floor. "What in the world happened here?"

Allen knew he had a lot of 'splaning to do.

**********

"Allen," said Lavi, shaking his head, "I'm surprised you didn't just take them out."

He'd just finished listening to Allen's long and confusing explanation of things, and…well, he still didn't understand most of it. Something about old people and fortune cookies. What kind of old lady poisoned cookies?

Allen stared at Lavi unappreciatively. It wasn't as if he'd arranged for a couple of maniacal old people to come at him with a cleaver.

"Well, anyway," said Lavi, glancing down at Lenalee, "What happened to Lenalee?"

Allen froze. He had so been hoping to avoid that topic. With that one question, however, his hopes were dashed, and he knew he'd have to come out with it sooner or later. He would try his best, though, to make it later.

"She was going to eat the cookie," said Allen glumly, looking down at his fallen companion. "What else was I supposed to do?"

"Okay, that didn't even come close to answering my question," Lavi flatly pointed out as he leaned lazily against the wall. He hated it when people avoided answering questions, and always did his best to drag the story out of the culprit. And even if Allen were one of those hard-to-crack people, which Lavi doubted he was, he'd find out from Lenalee soon enough.

Allen looked bleakly at Lavi. "I…uh…well, I sort of…"

"Out with it," said Lavi.

"He kissed her," said Hortence, from where she and Henry were sitting tied up in the corner. The had been apprehended attempting to flee the scene. Lavi had taken them out quickly, as their skinny spider-legs allowed them to be easily tackled. "He _foiled_ my plans. And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling kids and your stupid hammer."

"Shut up," said Lavi, throwing a piece of wood at the old lady. It hit Henry instead, but oh well, it wasn't like it mattered. "Allen couldn't possibly have…"

Then again, Allen did look mighty guilty…and awfully shifty…

"Wait a second," said Lavi, the truth dawning on him, "You _what_?"

"Oh, God, what am I going to do?" cried Allen, smacking his head against a nearby wall. This action caused the whole shack to shake, being as there was a gigantic hole in it's side, and half the roof had blown off.

But Lavi still couldn't wrap his head around the brutal truth. "You _what_?"

"If Komui finds out, I'm dead!" Allen wailed. "When Lenalee wakes up, I'm dead!" Either way, he was dead.

Meanwhile, in the corner, Henry kicked Hortence in the face. "You let them in, and see what happened?"

"Holy…Allen, I never thought you had it in you." Lavi stared at Allen. "Did you seriously…"

"Yes," Allen moaned. "I couldn't think of anything else to do! I mean…"

As he trailed off, both Allen and Lavi both noticed an extremely odd noise. It was coming from the direction of the wall Lavi had demolished, and sounded a bit like a mix between nails-on-a-chalkboard and a tone-deaf person singing. Needless to say, it was extremely unpleasant. Unfortunately, what was making the noise was even more unpleasant.

There, amidst the remains of the ruined wall, stood an army of flesh-starved zombies, and they were out for blood. Or…flesh. Probably flesh.

"Lavi," said Allen, "I thought you took care of that."

Lavi glanced back at Allen. "Hey, I never said I took care of the zombies!"

Really, though, it didn't matter whether or not Lavi had "taken care of" the zombies, because, whatever the circumstances, they were right there, and they were closing in.

And then, inexplicably, they stopped.

Allen looked at Lavi, and Lavi looked at Allen. Maybe this was some sort of zombie-trickery. Looking back at Henry and Hortence, this suspicion was further fueled by the fact that the two frightening old people were, in fact, scared stiff.

Allen briefly wondered how he'd gone from picnic to karaoke to fighting zombies, but there wasn't time to work out that flow chart, as one zombie broke away from the party and advanced.

"Uh-oh," gulped Lavi. He really wasn't fond of zombies. That rotting flesh was very unappealing. Oh well, he had his hammer. He'd just bash in a few zombie heads, if need be, and they could be on their merry way. Okay, maybe not "merry".

Before Lavi was able to bash in a few zombie heads, however, the zombie once again stopped. There it stood, staring at Lavi and Allen, a period during which they fully expected it to charge in all its stinking glory. However, the zombie didn't charge. Instead, it opened it's mouth (as much as its dislocated jaw would further allow), and, unexpectedly, began to speak.

"Hey," said the zombie.

Allen and Lavi stood in shocked silence. In their experience, zombies weren't supposed to walk up and say "hey". Surely that must have been breaking some zombie code.

If it were, the zombie didn't care. "Sorry about earlier," he said, addressing Allen.

"It's, uh…okay?" Allen wasn't exactly sure how to address a zombie.

"It happens all the time," the zombie went on, "But if people would just get over the way we look…I mean, how shallow is that? Not that I'm blaming you, or anything; you seem like a nice-enough kid."

Allen looked at Lavi, who shrugged. "…thanks?"

"Wait a minute," said Lavi suspiciously. "What was with the whole 'human flesh' thing earlier?"

The zombie gave what seemed to be a wistful sigh, during which another part of its face crumbled. "We were only trying to warn you."

"Of what?" said Allen and Lavi simultaneously.

"Of those flesh-eating old fogies!" cried a zombie from the crowd further back.

"Justice!" screamed another.

And with that, the entire crowd of zombies began to bubble with activity and cries of "justice".

The head zombie yelled at them to wait, then turned back to Allen and Lavi, who were looking seriously confused.

"They're like spiders," said the zombie, one of his arms hanging by a thread. "They suck out all your insides and then you die."

"What, so they can stay young forever?" guessed Lavi, putting his arms casually behind his head.

The zombie looked at Lavi, one eye rolling aimlessly around in its socket. "No, just because."

Allen was utterly exhausted. If they'd just stopped and talked to the zombies…what was he saying? Who in their right mind would stop and talk to _zombies_? But the fact of the matter was, they'd gone through the whole ordeal for nothing, and what had come out of it? A really, really horrible situation. At least it wouldn't get any worse; there was already the wind, the zombies, Lenalee, and those two freaks sitting tied-up in the corner, apparently quite aware of what was coming to them.

"Henry," hissed Hortence from her spot in the corner. "I do _not_ want to taste the wrath of a thousand undead souls."

Henry just sat there, glumly, silently blaming Hortence for his misfortune.

Suddenly, there was an awful cracking sound. Everyone, except for Lenalee, who was still out cold, looked up in time to see a huge crack rend what remained of the roof. With that, the zombies surged forward, intent on getting to Hortence and Henry in order to make them pay in blood and tears, although it's debatable whether or not their had either.

"We'd better get out of here," said Lavi, staring at the ceiling. "I don't think it's going to hold much longer. Didn't look like it would in the first place, but…"

"But you smashed half of it," Allen said bluntly. He sighed.

And then, at that precise moment, Lenalee began to twitch.

* * *

_Sorry if this chapter isn't as satisfying than the others. I needed to…fix everything…so more things could go wrong. If that makes any sense at all. Not to worry, I have much planned for the next chapter, as our heroes (?) make their way back to AYCH KYEW._

_I'd like to take a brief moment to thank you all for your incredibly kind reviews. They make me try my best. :3_

_Okay, more next time. If you would be so kind, I do so love reviews. Although thank you so much to those loyal reviewers who always let me know if they liked the chapter. It's very helpful. And encouraging. And it reminds me that people out there want me to finish this and not just forget it like I seem to do with so many other stories…_


	12. Interludium Part 1

_It's the next chapter. I'm dead-tired, but I really want to write this. Now. Before I forget my ideas that come to my willy-nilly. I don't think I've ever used that expression before._

_I need to read more D. Gray-Man, also…so many things to do. But for now, I write._

**Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man, and I'm too tired to think of anything clever to say.**

**Chapter Summary: The unstable roof. That's all it was.**

* * *

At the precise moment Lenalee began to wake up, the roof began making hideous groaning noises, drowning out any groans Lenalee might have been making.

"Uh-oh," said Lavi, "I think it's coming down…"

And coming down it was. A piece of it fell directly to the right of Allen, nearly catching him in the shoulder. Luckily, for once, he managed to escape.

"Lavi," said Allen, panicked, "Take Lenalee and get out."

"Wait a second," said Lenalee, finally aware of her surroundings. "I'm not a sack of flour-"

She was cut off, however, by Lavi, who unceremoniously hauled her up and yanked her through the gaping hole in the wall, just before a large piece of the roof came crashing down in the space they'd been previously occupying.

"Come on, Allen," called Lavi, "Before you get buried under that garbage."

Allen made his way to the hole in the wall, leaving the zombies to their devices. They were undead; they'd be fine. Probably. Anyway, at the rate things were going that day, he'd be smashed if he wasted another second getting out.

Unfortunately for Allen, he'd wasted a few too many seconds already. Right when he was going to dash through the open wall, the roof decided it had had a bit too much, and, right there, it all caved in, burying Allen under the rubble.

As the dust cleared, which was sped along by the gusting wind, Lavi and Lenalee stared, sure they couldn't have just witnessed Allen being crushed to death by a falling roof. What kind of hero was defeated by a roof?

However, no matter how long they stared, the roof remained caved in.

Suddenly, a ripple of movement occurred in one of the corners, and the entire zombie horde stumbled out, largely unharmed, except for a few missing limbs here and there.

"We're okay," said the head zombie, waving. And with that, they made their way back to their graves.

Lenalee watched this whole scene with a look of bewildered horror. Allen being crushed by a roof, waving zombies, Allen being crushed by a roof…

"Oh!" she suddenly cried, "Allen's been crushed by a roof!"

Lavi sighed. "Guess we'd better dig him out…"

But Lenalee was already at it. In fact, she even had tears welling up in her eyes as she kept saying how it was all her fault and now a roof had finally killed Allen for good.

"Allen's not dead," Lavi reassured her, throwing a piece of sheet metal behind him, where it smashed into a grave. One of the zombies yelled at him to be more careful. Allen sure was an unlucky kid…but hey, if anything, at least he'd avoided that awkward conversation with Lenalee…

"Lavi!" wailed Lenalee, "Help!"

And so the two dug…and dug…and dug some more…he was really under there, wasn't he? Oh, but there…a flash of red…

"_Oh my God_," gasped Lenalee, "He's really dead!"

Lavi stared skeptically at the "really dead" boy lying before him. Well, it was true that there was an awful lot of blood…but blood loss never killed anyone, right? Maybe? Well, just to check, Lavi poked at Allen for good measure.

"Yo, Allen, wake up," said Lavi, poking vigorously. "Rise and shine. Wakey-wakey."

"If he's dead, poking him isn't going to wake him up," said Lenalee flatly. "Oh, his head's bleeding again…"

To be honest, pretty much everything was bleeding again; falling metal, such as what the roof was made of, is sharp. Sharp things tend to cause bleeding. Because of this, poor Allen's previously-white shirt was now hopelessly bloodstained and, while useful for Halloween, would probably never be able to be worn again.

"Look," said Lavi suddenly, "He's breathing. He'll be fine."

Sure enough, Allen was breathing. Lenalee gave a sigh of relief as she ignored that "I told you so" look on Lavi's face.

"Well, now what?" Lavi sat back, bored now that the excitement over. Well, it hadn't really been all that exciting, anyway.

"Well, help me get him out!" said Lenalee, as if Lavi should have known better. She was already tugging at Allen's sleeve, attempting to get him loose.

Lavi raised an eyebrow. "You're going to pull his arm off. Wait, wait. You have to do it like this."

And with that, Lavi took hold of Allen's _other_ arm and began to pull.

Yank, tug, pull, it went, and it was a good thing poor Allen was unconscious, too, or he'd have had a whole other level of pain to deal with. Although then he could've told them that they were fairly yanking his arms right out of their sockets.

Luckily, Allen's arms remained in their rightful place, and, sooner or later, Allen was freed from the rubble, although he was still a bloody mess.

"Yikes," said Lavi, staring at Allen. He ducked as a sudden gust of wind threatened to blow his head right off.

"We should get out of the wind," Lenalee said, covering her face with her hands to avoid flying debris.

Lavi nodded. "Good idea." Standing up, he grabbed Allen by the ankles and began to drag him along.

"Lavi!" Lenalee exclaimed, horrified. "W-what are you _doing_?"

"What's it look like I'm doing?" Lavi yawned. "Getting us out of the wind."

Jumping up, Lenalee struggled to follow Lavi over the debri, wind blowing directly at her. "I really don't think you should be _dragging_-"

"He'll be fine," said Lavi, a bit _too_ nonchalantly. He could've at least pretended to be worried…

At least they made it out of the wind, though, huddling against the behind the remains of the shack. Still, it wasn't the best of situations, what with Allen battered and bloody and no one knowing where exactly they should be heading.

"What now?" sighed Lenalee, examining Allen's head as it lay on her lap. How was she supposed to tell if there was a concussion? Was it even possible to tell? What if he was dying of brain trauma…?

Lavi sighed. He just wanted to go to bed somewhere warm. With pillows, preferably. And maybe a snack. And a hot bath. And-

"Lavi!" Lenalee broke into Lavi's thoughts of a more glorious evening. "We can't just sit here all night!"

They both looked at Allen, who still wasn't waking up.

"I really do feel bad for him," said Lavi thoughtfully. "But at least-"

"Don't you dare say 'at least it's not me,'" snapped Lenalee.

Lavi sulked.

Sighing, Lenalee absently brushed some hair away from Allen's face as she attempted to think of some way to make things better. So far, she was drawing a blank. And Lavi wasn't being much help, either, so she shot silent glares at his back as he sulked. Still, thinking about something, no matter how bleak it looked, was better than thinking of nothing, and especially better than thinking of what had happened _earlier_…

**********

Allen blinked, momentarily blinded by the bright, cheery rays of the bright, cheery sun. For a minute, he was lost, completely lost in the voids of space. Soon enough, though, the whole horrible affair came rushing back to him in the most unpleasant manner.

There was the wind…and the inn…karaoke…the zombies…and then…and then what? He couldn't remember. Something awful, to be sure.

Shaking his head, Allen sat up. And that's when he realized something was horribly, horribly wrong.

Right there, staring at him intently with that bizarre grin on his face, was the Millennium Earl.

"Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty," sang the Earl, tilting his head from side-to-side.

Allen immediately made ready to stab the jerk, but something was wrong. Even more wrong than the Earl being there. Looking down at his left arm, Allen realized something.

It was normal. His arm was completely and totally normal.

"W-w-w-w-_what_?" cried Allen, head about ready to explode. "_What happened to my arm_!?"

The Earl clicked his tongue. "Looks fine to me, you silly sleepyhead."

Somehow, the "silly sleepyhead" was even more bizarre than his arm being normal, and Allen looked up, dumbfounded.

"Come on," the Earl suddenly whined, "It's time for your dramatic adventure. You're already fifteen minutes late, Allen Walker."

"Fifteen minutes late for _what_?" said Allen, horribly confused.

The Earl shook his head as if wondering how Allen could be so stupid. "You're supposed to save the princess today, Allen Walker."

"Princess? What princess?" Allen nearly pulled his hair out in confusion. "What are you _talking_ about? Where am I?"

There was a sudden knock on the door, and Allen finally took the time to survey the strange room he was in. It was…well, it was gaudy, to put it bluntly. Gold-covered walls, flowers…the weird bed he was in had a giant frilly canopy right over top.

"Come in, come in," said the Earl, hopping up. To Allen, he said, "I expect that's Sir Tyki with your assignment."

"_Tyki_?" gasped Allen. "_Huh_?"

The heavy ornate door swung open, and, sure enough, there stood Tyki, in all his purple-robed glory. Really, he was wearing a long purple robe, embroidered with little kitty-cats. And he was inexplicably on stilts.

"Sir Allen Walker," said Tyki, wobbling to-and-fro on his stilts. He glanced down at a piece of paper. "Today, you're supposed to…I can't read this handwriting."

The Earl bounced up and down. "Let me see, let me see."

Allen just sat there, petrified and dazed, as they poured over the piece of paper. So out-of-it was he that he nearly had a heart attack at a sudden noise from the huge gold-framed window.

"Peace," said Jasdevi, somehow balancing outside the window, which appeared to be quite high up. Guns had been replaced with long-stemmed roses, which they were sniffing serenely.

Although it's rude to stare, Allen couldn't very well help it. In fact, the only thing his overwhelmed brain would allow him to do was stare at the odd scene playing out before him.

"Well, up and at 'em," said the Earl, forcefully dragging the shocked Allen out of bed. "The convenience store opens at ten…and it's ten 'til!"

"C-convenience store?" was all Allen could manage to say.

Tyki, from up on his stilts, stared down at Allen. "What's your deal?"

Allen could have told Tyki many times over what his "deal" was. However, he had no idea where to begin, because everything was so screwed up in so very many ways.

He decided to start with, "Um, why are you on stilts?"

Tyki stared at him. "So I can be taller, duh." And with that, he stumbled out the door on his stilts.

"Okay, then, Allen Walker," said the Earl gleefully. "It's time for you to get going on your Weekly Amazing Quest of Awesomeness."

Before he could protest, Allen was horrified to find himself being dragged toward the window. By the time he got close enough to find out that he was on the 7th storey, it was too late. With a mighty shove, the Earl pushed Allen right out of the open window.

* * *

_It's weird, I know. I have to split it up into two chapters because it's rather longer than I expected. Don't worry, it has a point. Probably. I needed to add something bizarre. LET ME BE._

_I've been reading D. Gray-Man again, and it's just so exciting I could scream and cry and have a heart attack all at once, although I'll do none of those things. It'd be too disruptive. And if I had a heart attack, I wouldn't get to keep reading. It takes me so very long as it is…ah, but I digress. You don't want to hear me babble excitedly. :0_

_But now is not the time for me to turn into a bubbling fangirl. Really, I don't like to let people see that side of me at all. Sometimes I just can't help it, though…so I scream to myself. Out of joy and excitement. It's very fun. Anyway. Once again, thanks for reading, and please continue to read in the future!_


	13. Interludium Part 2

_Um, so, I've almost gotten halfway through D. Gray-Man, episode 1. Well, maybe more than halfway. I'm…happy that I got that far, and sad that it's taken me this long. But it's very exciting to see Allen all animated and stuff. :0_

_So, here's the next chapter. Thanks for your kind reviews, and I hope you continue to enjoy the story. Here comes weirdness._

**Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man, insert witty phrase here.**

**Chapter Summary: Something's amiss…at the convenience store?**

* * *

Allen was so surprised at being shoved out the window that he didn't have time to react. Fortunately, he landed on a handy bush sitting below. While the bush may not have been too happy about Allen landing on it, Allen was happy about landing on the bush, because it meant that his spine wasn't going to be broken.

"What's the big idea!" yelled Allen, from his spot in the bush. Over being scared, he was now furious, and…wearing…armor?

Yes, as Allen looked down at himself, he realized he was wearing armor of the shiny silver variety. He could've sworn he'd been armor-less before being pushed out the window. No wonder he'd fallen so fast. But hey, he had a nifty blue cape that was attempting to flow in the breeze.

Standing up, Allen brushed off his shiny new armor. He had no idea what was going on. What's more, someone was coming his way. It was…Kanda?

"Hey," said Kanda, carting a rickshaw behind him. "Are you waiting for the bus?"

Allen stared. "Uh…no? I don't know."

"How can you not know if you're waiting for the bus?" said Kanda critically, staring fiercely at Allen. Then, suddenly, he said, "You're going to the convenience store. You need the bus."

"Well," said Allen, "I…wait a minute, how did you know that?"

"I've been training," said Kanda, which, for him, was not unusual.

"Training for what?" Allen asked, worried about the answer he'd get.

Kanda looked at him a minute before answering matter-of-factly, "Mind reading."

No, training was not unusual for Kanda. Training to read minds, however, was a different story.

Allen allowed himself a moment of intense confusion before shaking his head to clear the fog. "Anyway, Kanda, am I glad to see you."

"Yeah, sure," said Kanda. "Get in."

Allen ignored him and continued. "I don't know what's going on, but I woke up, and there was the Earl, and Tyki, and-"

"Shut up," Kanda said, bluntly interrupting, "And get in."

It was no use. Kanda was as confusing and bizarre as the rest of them. Allen felt completely lost, and, without much of a choice, climbed into the rickshaw.

"To the convenience store," said Kanda, and then he took off, running at break-neck speed, down the street.

Allen hung on for dear life, reasonably afraid of being thrown from the rickshaw. At the rate Kanda was going, he wouldn't be surprised if it suddenly exploded. Actually, with the weird things going on, it probably would explode.

Luckily, Allen didn't have long to contemplate this possibility. The convenience store appeared in front of them, and Kanda screeched to a stop.

"Get out," said Kanda, glaring at Allen. Good old Kanda.

So Allen got out. He didn't want to be _in_ in the first place.

As soon as Allen had jumped out of the rickshaw, (with some difficulty, because his lovely silver armor was quite heavy), Kanda took off again, a trail of dust springing up behind him. Within seconds, he had disappeared down the street, and Allen was alone in front of the mysterious convenience store.

Turning, Allen regarded the building. It looked exactly like a regular convenience store, except for those two people sitting outside the door.

Wait a second…were those two people…Allen squinted, trying to be certain of what he was seeing.

Yes, it was them. Sitting right outside the entrance of the convenience store were Komui and Reever.

"Yo yo yo, Allen," said Komui, looking over the top of his scary dark sunglasses. "How goes it?"

Allen, once again, was left staring in shock. What in the world was going on, here? Why were Komui and Reever loitering outside a convenience store like a couple of delinquents?

Reever was busily coloring in a "color by number" coloring book. His tongue poked out of his mouth as he concentrated on coloring the puppy with the correct colors.

"This is hard," he said, scribbling all over the page with a purple crayon when purple clearly wasn't even on the list of needed colors.

"Let me see that." Komui crawled over to where Reever was boring a hole through the page with his purple crayon. "Well, duh, you're supposed to color harder. Like this."

Allen lost patience with the whole thing as Komui snatched Reever's crayon and started furiously covering the page with purple. He walked past them just as the coloring book burst into flame, sending both Komui and Reever into a panic. As Allen walked through the automatic door, he attempted to ignore their screaming.

Once inside, Allen looked around. Everything _seemed_ normal…except for the freak playing with the copy machine.

Suddenly, the freak playing with the copy machine turned around, setting her eyes on Allen.

"Woah, Allen, take a look at this," said Road, holding up a sheet of paper. It had a copy of her face, slightly smushed, printed on it.

Allen choked out a surprised "that's great" before continuing on, as fast as he possibly could in all that armor. What was he supposed to be doing again?

As if by magic, Allen noticed a list at his feet. With great difficulty, he bent down and picked it up.

"Number 1," read the list, "Get the Earl some cake. Number 2: Save the princess."

"Get the Earl some cake?" said Allen aloud. "What the heck kind of quest is that?"

Still, it was a quest, so Allen walked up to the register. There, behind the counter, stood…

"_What_?" said Allen, horrified. It was Hortence and Henry, and they were holding cleavers.

"Hi, little bbOy," said Hortence, waving around her cleaver. "We know you're here for some cake for the Earl, but we could fatten you up for free, if you'd like."

"Nice and fat," added Henry.

Now, Allen loved eating, and if anyone else had offered him _food_, not a "fattening up", he'd have gladly taken it. However, it was Hortence and Henry who were doing the offering, and in a very disconcerting way. So he shook his head.

Disappointed, Hortence run up the cake, with Henry watching on blankly. He looked a bit like a dead fish.

"Uh, hey," said Allen, while Hortence was counting out his change, "Do you know where the princess is?"

Hortence looked at him with her tiny eyes. "I'm sorry, but our princess is in another convenience store."

Allen almost died of shock before Hortence started giggling in a terrifying, high-pitched manner.

"Just kidding," said Hortence, while Henry's face remained stony. "If you give me your arm, I'll tell you."

With that, Allen turned on his heel and walked away, grabbing the plastic bag containing a piece of cake. He had no idea how he was going to find the princess, but he wasn't going to give his arm to that creepy old lady.

Allen didn't have long to worry about finding the princess, however. As soon as he was halfway to the door, he heard an ear-splitting shriek.

"Princess!" cried one of the pimple-faced clerks. "Stay away from that buzz saw!"

Turning to his left, Allen was met with the most incomprehensible sight. There, attempting to throw himself at a whirring buzz saw, was Krory, decked out in a pink princess dress that was positively dripping with glitter.

"I don't want to _live_," wailed Krory, trying to escape the clutches of the poor teen clerk who held him back.

"Krory?" said Allen, dumbstruck. "Krory's a _princess_?"

Krory turned his head, which had a nifty little tiara perched on top. Seeing Allen, he momentarily stopped attempting to hug the buzz saw.

"Allen!" cried Krory, tears cascading down his face. "Allen! I'm going to end it all!"

"N-no, no, don't do that," said Allen, holding up his hands. Suddenly, with the rustle of a plastic bag, he remembered the cake.

"I'm going to do it," said Krory.

Allen whipped out the slice of cake. "But I have cake!"

And with that, Krory stopped struggling. Eye set upon the delicious cake, he began to sparkle with princess-like brilliance.

Allen stepped forward to give the drooling Krory the cake he so wanted, when, at that moment, he slipped on a banana peel. The cake flet at Krory, who caught it in his mouth in a display of graceful princessitude, but Allen was not so lucky. He felt himself being pulled towards the buzz saw.

"It's magnetic," said Krory, daintily wiping his mouth with a silk hankie.

And Allen was like a walking piece of iron.

**********

"Lavi, what if Allen never wakes up?" asked Lenalee, growing more and more worried as time went by. Maybe he really _did_ have severe head trauma or internal bleeding. Then it would be all her fault. All because of a stupid picnic.

Lavi sighed, although, truth be told, he was getting a bit worried, too. And it was getting harder and harder to cheerfully say Allen would wake up any minute. Maybe this was the one time Allen hadn't been so lucky. It would figure, too, that he'd get killed by a roof.

Suddenly, Allen shuddered violently.

Lenalee, who had nearly had a heart attack, began crying, "What's wrong, what's wrong?"

And then Allen's eyes opened.

"Are you okay?" said Lavi, jumping up to make sure Allen wasn't brain-dead…or a zombie.

Allen looked completely horrified. He tried to sit up, but the fact that Lenalee was clutching his head made it incredibly difficult.

"Allen!" wailed Lenalee, "I'm_ sorry_!"

"It's fine, it's fine," gasped Allen, struggling to get up. "Lenalee, I'm okay!"

Lavi stepped up, attempting to get Lenalee to release her death grip on Allen's head.

"Lenalee," he said, "See, Allen's fine. Why don't you let him-"

"He's _not_ fine," sobbed Lenalee. "This is the third time today he almost died!"

Allen, still trying desperately to get up, cautiously said, "Maybe you're exaggerating a bit…"

"Well," mused Lavi, suddenly deciding to be of no help at all, "She's kind of right."

And then Allen had no choice but to give up and let Lenalee "patch him up", which, he suspected, would consist of an awful lot of gauze and bandages.

**********

_There it goes. The finishing up of that strange interlude. Next: what's been happening in the real world? Goodness me, who knows. Sorry. I'll try to get it up soon. I have essays, so many essays._

_By the by, I'm writing another story for those of you who are on the verge of begging me for more romance. You know, I promise I'll get to it, but in the meantime, you can have that. It's for you. Be sure to check it out? :3_


	14. Train Ride

_Would you like to know what I'm doing right now? Well…I'm going to tell you anyway, so sit tight. I'm listening to the Okami soundtrack and reading D. Gray-Man, while attempting to watch it on Youtube, while writing this story, while writing my other story, while drawing with the tablet I just bought. It's all very…muddled up. So. Yeah. That's it. Da-dum, must keep reading so I can get farther._

_Thanks for your continued reading, and let's go. ONWARD. :0_

…_this translation is horrible. Actually, I don't want to read D. Gray-Man right now. Gasp. I'm sorry I even said such a thing._

**Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man.**

**Chapter Summary: Onward to the Headquarters! Huzzah!**

* * *

"What happened, anyway?" asked Allen, while Lenalee pulled the already-too-tight bandage tighter around his arm.

"We had to dig you out," said Lavi cheerfully, apparently enjoying watching Allen's suffering. "You were a bloody mess. I guess that's nothing new, though."

Allen remembered those horrifying last moments when the entire roof had come crashing down on his poor little head. And then he decided he'd rather not, looking out the window instead.

The trio had managed to somehow make their way to another town, all the while being blown about by the still-severe wind. There, they'd found out that they were far, far, far off course for their intended destination. Leave it to Lavi to get them completely lost.

"Stop moving," Lenalee commanded, tugging on yet another bandage. "You're so fidgety."

"Well, can you really blame him?" Lavi surveyed the scene with interest. "It's like you're trying to squeeze the life out of him."

"Feels like it, too," said Allen, grimacing, for which he received a hard tug on the bandage. He decided he'd shut up.

Looking out the window of the train they'd managed to find, Allen sighed. He still couldn't quite figure out how he'd wound up where he was. It had gone from a picnic to running from zombies to riding on a train in the middle of nowhere. At least they were on their way home, though…

"Ouch!" cried Allen, as Lenalee pulled yet another bandage too tight. "Lenalee!"

"Calm down," said Lenalee, ripping the bandage free of its original roll. "I'm done. And maybe if you'd stop getting bloodied up all the time, then-"

A sudden commotion stopped Lenalee mid-sentence, and all three looked up towards the frosted glass of the door to their compartment.

And then they heard something that made their blood run cold.

"Aw, no," groaned Lavi, "Not another problem. What is it with today and _problems_?"

Allen banged his head against the window, which actually hurt a lot. "Why me? Why me?"

"H-hey, guys, cheer up," said Lenalee, smiling uncertainly. "I'm sure nothing will-"

Just then, the compartment door flew open, and there, to the grim annoyance of all three occupants, stood a man. But not just any man. No, this was a man who was loudly declaring his purpose for being on the train.

"Hey!" yelled the man, not using his inside voice. "I'm a train robber, and I want your money!"

"Are you _kidding_ me?" cried Lavi, smacking himself on the forehead. "Seriously, really?"

The man sneezed behind the red bandana covering the lower half of his face. He narrowed his eyes, because these people seemed more irritated than annoyed. What was up with robbery victims these days? Oh well, as long as he got his money.

Problem was, they weren't handing _that_ over, either. No, far from it. The short one with the weird white hair and all the bandages…he was busy banging his head against the train window. Meanwhile, the eye-patched one was yelling profanities and talking about zombies and whatnot. And the girl was desperately trying to calm the both of them down. It didn't seem to be working.

"Hello?" said the bandit. "I _said_ I want your money."

"You can say all you want," snapped Lavi, "You're not getting anything, you…what are the _chances_?"

"Slim to none," groaned Allen, "But the very train we just happened to get on has to be overtaken by a train robber."

"Allen, quit it! You're going to smash your head open!" chided Lenalee, tugging on his arm.

Fed up, the train robber grabbed Lenalee by the arm, because she looked the least able to hurt him.

"Give me your money, or I'll take this instead!" cackled the bandit, sure he had solved the problem.

Boy, was he wrong.

Head turning ever so slightly, Lenalee fixed the robber with a ferocious glare at the same time Allen jumped up and looked at him darkly. The poor bandit only had time to panic briefly before he was suddenly pummeled into the ground by the both girl and the short kid.

"Well," said Lavi, looking at the battered body of the poor bandit, "I guess that's over with…" He looked uneasily at Allen and Lenalee, who stared down at the poor guy without remorse.

"He deserved it," said Lenalee flatly, kicking the guy once more for good measure.

"He did," agreed Allen, cracking his knuckles.

Lavi inched away from the pair.

It was going to be a long ride.

**********

Komui cackled softly as he put the finishing touches on his Revenge plan. He made sure to put lots and lots of flourished, slashing the pen here, there, everywhere. Finally, he stepped back and surveyed it.

"It's everything I dreamed it would be!" he cried, clapping. "Member A, isn't it _glorious_? Isn't it _marvelous_?"

Member A, from his position huddling in the corner, just nodded, too scared to even speak.

"When that _Allen Walker_ gets back," Komui continued, "I will make him _pay_. And he'll pay in blood and tears, you mark my words, Member A."

And Member A believed him.

Poor, poor Allen Walker.

**********

Although it had required an hour-long stop, authorities had managed to come aboard and arrest the robber, who, to their confusion, was already badly beaten when they arrived.

Bored, Lavi stared at the ceiling, wondering what he could do. And then, suddenly, he remembered. Yes, he would ask about _that_. _That_ would be sure to make something interesting happen.

"So," said Lavi, casually propping his feet up on the opposite seat. "That zombie shack was crazy, huh?"

Allen, who had been staring out the window, glanced over absentmindedly. "Huh."

"Although there's one thing I'm still not clear about," prodded Lavi, ready to go in for the kill.

Suddenly getting what Lavi was trying to do, Allen sat up straight. So far, Lenalee hadn't mentioned _that_, and he had kind of been hoping she'd forgotten all about it. He was _not_ going to let Lavi screw things up.

"Before I came barging in, you know," Lavi was saying, before he was stopped by a hard kick in the leg.

"Sorry, slipped," said Allen innocently.

Glaring, Lavi would not be silenced.

Lenalee watched the two, confused. What was it with guys and kicking each other?

As Lavi kept trying to talk, Allen kept kicking him in the leg, and pretty soon an all-out brawl was on the horizon. They were very nearly at each other's throats, and Lenalee was getting worried about having to pay for damages.

"Guys, guys," she said, trying to break it up, "I'm sure…well, I don't really know what's going on, but-"

"Allen!" Lavi cried, struggling to keep Allen from socking him in the jaw, "I'm going to find out about that kiss sooner or later!"

Allen froze. Oh no, oh no, oh no. Completely forgetting that he had been about to punch Lavi, Allen glanced worriedly at Lenalee. Maybe she hadn't…

Lenalee's face, which was turning red and completely blank, told him that no, she hadn't completely forgotten about that tiny little incident.

Sitting back, his battle won, Lavi smirked. "I never thought you-"

"Sh-shut up, Lavi," hissed Allen, terrified of what was going to happen.

"I don't want to talk about this," said Lenalee.

Lavi tapped his fingers against the wooden armrest of the seat. "What, you want it to hang over your friendship like a huge deadly pendulum, just waiting to come crashing down and cause a bloody, gory mess?"

Allen and Lenalee both nodded quickly.

Darn, Lavi had thought for sure that simile would work. What was he supposed to do _now_?

"It'll grow bigger, and bigger, and bigger, and then one of you will kill the other one, just to get the problem out of the way," Lavi said, grasping at straws. "We'll have a murder on our hands."

Frankly, Allen could've held out not talking about it forever, but apparently Lenalee had had enough. Maybe it was Lavi's predictions of the future, but, more likely, it was that it was driving her nuts.

"Allen," said Lenalee, standing up. "I can't _believe_ you did that."

And then she slapped poor Allen across the face.

"You're were going to eat the cookie!" cried Allen, clutching his poor cheek. "What else was I supposed to do! Didn't you ever learn not to take cookies from strangers?"

Lenalee, on a roll, got all up in Allen's face. "Why didn't you just _tell_ me not to eat the cookies?"

"What was I supposed to say? 'Lenalee, don't eat those cookies, I'm sure they're laced with cyanide'? It's not like you were listening to me, anyway!"

Lavi watched on in interest. Really, stuff like this was so entertaining! He wondered who'd win? Lenalee, probably. Yes, in a bet, he'd place his money on Lenalee.

"Don't you know…ARGH. Don't you know that was my _first_ kiss? You _stole_ my first kiss!" Lenalee jabbed Allen in the chest several times for emphasis. It was apparently a big deal.

"Then don't count it!" Allen cried, throwing up his arms with frustration.

Lenalee huffed. "You can't just not count it!" Secretly, deep, deep, deep down, Lenalee had really wanted Allen to be her first kiss, but there was no way she was admitting that. Ever.

"Look-" Allen started, but he was cut off by another slap from Lenalee.

"Don't you even try to talk your way out of this one, Allen Walker!" Lenalee stepped even closer. And then she did something horrible and awful and completely unexpected. Right when Allen was about to say something in his defense, (because the slapping really wasn't pleasant and the incident really wasn't his fault), Lenalee turned up her face and kissed him. Right on the lips.

"There," said Lenalee, when she was finished, smirking at the shock on Allen's face. "We're even." And then she turned, slid open the compartment door, and flounced out.

Allen staggered backwards and landed with a thud on the seat next to Lavi. And Lavi, who had been watching the whole thing with interest, whistled, glee evident in his eye. This had been one of the most amusing fights _ever_.

* * *

_RAHR. I'm so sorry it took so very long for me to update. I got…sidetracked and overloaded and oh my. So again, I'm very sorry. I'll try to get the next update to you much sooner. But worry not, I didn't forget about this story. Although, as you can see, it's winding to a bit of a close soon. Not after Komui carries out his plan, though._

_Okay then, I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing, which might might might be reviewing this? Huh? Huh? You know you want to. :3_

_And then, until next time!_

_On a side note, it's been really cold and snowing. I'm so happy. ;_;_


	15. Problems Persist

_God, guys, I'm sorry it's been so long. I got a bit stuck, and then sidetracked. I'm so sorry, but…contrary to popular belief, I am not dead. Thank you for reading the last chapter, really. I'll do my best with this one, too. I still don't exactly know what's going to happen. All in good time, all in good time._

_I wanted to read some AllenxLenalee stories…but…I didn't want angst. THERE IS NO HUMOR. WHERE IS MY HUMOR? D:_

_It's up to me, I guess. Save the world!_

**Disclaimer: I don't own it! I don't own it!**

**Chapter Summary: What? Lenalee likes Allen? Wait! **_**Likes**_** likes?**

* * *

Lavi, feet propped up on the seat across from him, watched Allen intently. He looked hilarious, all flustered like that. Although, really, Lavi couldn't blame him. That still didn't make it any less funny.

"Allen," said Lavi, staring at Allen, "I can't believe you haven't noticed." Pretty much everyone had noticed at some point or other. Well, with Komui as the exception; if he'd noticed, Allen would've been dead a long, long time ago.

"N-noticed?" stammered Allen. "Noticed what?"

"Wow, are you stupid," said Lavi, although he'd taken a while to figure it out, too. Not that he was mentioning that. "It's so incredibly obvious that Lenalee has a thing for you."

Poor Allen looked dazed and confused. "Thing?"

"Yes, _thing_," said Lavi, "As in-"

Suddenly, before Lavi could finish his explanation, the compartment door flew open with a bang. There stood Lenalee, glaring daggers.

"Lavi," she said icily, "I don't think you want to finish that sentence."

If she were worried about Allen hearing something, however, she didn't need to be. Allen wasn't hearing a word they were saying. He was off in a fog, feeling dizzy and awful and confused…what was he doing? Why was the room spinning like that?

And then, right before Lenalee was going to let Lavi have it, Allen passed out. Just like that.

Lenalee stepped back in horror. "Not again! Lavi, what did you do this time?"

"Me?" Lavi jumped up. "I didn't do anything, I swear! He probably went into cardiac arrest because you kissed him like that!"

Horrified, Lenalee looked at Lavi, who suddenly felt a bit more worried.

"Oh God, what if he really did?" Lavi said, bending down and shaking Allen back and forth. "How do you fix cardiac arrest?"

"How am I supposed to know?" snapped Lenalee, pushing him out of the way. She ran over to Allen. "Allen, I'm sorry! I promise I'm not mad at you anymore!"

But Allen, no matter how much Lenalee promised she wasn't mad, simply refused to wake up.

Finally, Lenalee worked up the sense to check Allen's pulse, just to be sure it wasn't cardiac arrest they were dealing with. If it had been, too bad for Allen, he would've been dead.

"His pulse is fine," said Lenalee, panic slightly subsiding. "But what if…"

Suddenly, Lavi bent down and stared intently at Allen's face. He frowned. "You know what?"

Lenalee looked up. "Huh?"

"…I think he's sleeping." Lavi sat back and shook his head.

This diagnosis caused Lenalee to blink a few times before sighing in relief. Really, she couldn't blame Allen, for everything he'd been through in the past day and however else long it was. Lenalee herself was exhausted, and she hadn't even been trapped under a collapsing roof.

"Looks like it's time for bed," said Lavi, yawning. Whipping out a random blanket, he sat back down and leaned back. "I don't know about you, but I'm tired."

True, Lenalee _was_ tired. And Lavi's stupid yawning was contagious. In fact, her eyes were getting heavy just sitting there next to poor sleeping Allen. And so, still holding Allen's hand from when she'd checked the cardiac arrest angle, Lenalee nodded off.

"How cute," sighed Lavi, snuggling down into his blanket. And then he, too, fell asleep. Although maybe he snored a little.

**********

Allen woke up with a start. All he remembered was that he'd been sitting there one minute, and then…well, he was still sitting there. What had happened?

Well, whatever it was, Allen felt enormously well-rested. The room had stopped spinning, for which he was quite grateful, and his head no longer throbbed. He sighed. He felt better than he had that whole adventure. No, not adventure. More like a bunch of horribly unlikely and undesirable events. It was okay, though. He was now safely on his way back, and (hopefully) nothing else would happen.

However, something was…off. Allen couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was definitely something a bit odd about…well, about something.

Oh well. Glancing across the compartment, Allen saw Lavi and his snuggly-looking blanket he'd gotten from who-knew-where. And, looking down, there was Lenalee, leaning contentedly against him. Although this made Allen slightly embarrassed, at least he wasn't bleeding or tripping or being eaten by zombies.

"A-llen," came a sudden and startling call from across the way, causing Allen to nearly jump out of his skin. All that thinking about zombies was putting him on edge.

"W-what?" said Allen, heart pounding. Why was he so jumpy?

Lavi, blinking, pulled his mysterious blanket up to his chin. "Why so jumpy, Allen? I was just gonna say…well, it's not morning…what time is it, anyway?"

Allen shrugged. He had no idea how long he'd been sleeping. If how he felt was any indication, it had probably been awhile. When he looked outside, however, it was still dark. He squinted, trying to see anything in the gloom.

"Well, what time is it?" pestered Lavi, staring at Allen. "I thought we'd be back by now."

"I don't know," sighed Allen, although he was thinking the same thing. He tried to move, because his arm was falling asleep, but didn't want to wake Lenalee. Oh, bother.

Lavi stretched his arms. "You two look so cute together," he said slyly, knowing just what buttons to press.

Allen's face grew hot. "Sh-shut up, Lavi."

Man, he was so much fun to tease. Lavi decided to turn the charm factor way up as Allen's face got redder and redder.

"She's always _so_ worried about you, you know," said Lavi gleefully. He played the guilt card for good measure. "And you just keep making her worry, Allen. You're so self-"

Suddenly, there was a knock-knock-knocking on the compartment door. Lavi, who was interrupted in the middle of his needling, and Allen, who's face had turned an uncanny shade of fire-engine red, turned to look. Who in the world could be knocking at that hour? And _why_?

"Uh, yeah?" Lavi cautiously slid the door open a crack and peeked out. Seeing that it was just a little boy, Lavi slid the door open the rest of the way and stood there expectantly.

Allen, glad for the distraction, looked over at the…freakish-looking kid. Because, to be completely honest, he was pretty freakish-looking, what with the black, sunken-in eyes and the way he was just standing there in his little black suit.

"Hey, kid," said Lavi, "Are you gonna just stand there, or what?"

Apparently yes, the kid was gonna just stand there. Because that's what he continued to do, staring at them with those big ol' eyes.

Allen blinked. The light reflecting off the kid's pale skin was almost blinding.

Suddenly, the kid opened his mouth. Lavi and Allen waited expectantly for something to come out, but nothing did. And then, just as quickly as he'd appeared, the kid took off down the hallway.

Lavi and Allen looked at each other, confused. But hey, they'd seen weirder things, so they just shrugged it off and went back to doing nothing. Which was fairly excruciating for Allen, because he knew that whenever Lavi looked over at him, he'd be reminded of how he was teasing Allen. Allen really, really wished Lenalee would wake up soon, because he just didn't have the heart to shove her off. Why did she have to look so cute?

When Lavi next spoke, however, it wasn't to poke fun at Allen. No, it was regarding a matter of much more serious nature.

"Hey, Allen," said Lavi, peering out the window. "Do you notice anything strange?

Allen shook his head, then thought for a minute. "Well, something seems kind of off, but I don't know what it is."

"I…don't hear any train sounds." Lavi squinted, trying to see something.

"Train sounds?" asked Allen, confused. And more than a little bit worried.

Lavi turned. "Yeah, you know, like "chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-CHOO-CHOO."

Allen stared at him blankly. Really, Lavi? Really?

Suddenly, Lenalee began to stir. She yawned, then said, sleepily, "Why aren't we moving?"

And with that, Allen and Lavi, looking at each other in horror, knew something was terribly, terribly wrong.

* * *

_Done. Finally done. I'll try to make the next one come a lot sooner, I promise. I've got ideas again. IDEAS._

_Anyway, I hope you liked it, and I hope you'll forgive me for taking so long. ;_;_


	16. Mysterious Things, Indeed

_It's that time again: time for another update. Much sooner update than last time, I'm happy to say. I was in a slump for a while, to be honest, and was just doodling random images of Kanda for the longest time. Not that you'd want to, but if you ever do want to see some, just ask. They're…weird. And not very good. But whatever. It's fun._

_An-y-way. I really do hope you aren't too worried about this story getting serious. I apologize if some of the romantic parts have been a bit too not-funny, but I'll try harder. And the humor? It will never go away. Ever. I just…I would die inside if it did. D:_

_Also, I've been thinking about tossing Kanda in here during the last few chapters, as this draws to a close. It can't go on forever, you know, because you guys would get bored and I'd run out of material. All good things must come to an end. Look at me. God. Onto the humor._

**Disclaimer: I don't own -Man. I wish I owned more time…SLACKING OFF ON HOMEWORK.**

**Chapter Summary: Things are not quite right…**

* * *

"Oh my _God_," cried Allen, immediately jumping to his feet. Unfortunately Lenalee, who, in a sickly-sweet display of that thing people call 'caring', had been accidentally holding Allen's hand, was yanked up as well, arm nearly coming out of its socket.

"It wasn't my fault," said Lavi, backing up and staring confusedly out the window. Everything should've been going smoothly; he'd bought tickets and _everything_.

Allen, who was trying not to freak out, searched for an explanation. For example, maybe they'd run out of whatever it was that made trains go, and were stopping to fix the problem. Or maybe they'd already arrived and just needed to get off. Or maybe-

Rudely yanked from her nap, Lenalee frowned. She had no idea what was going on, but she was irritated and cold and tired of bad things happening. Plus, there was that overshadowing worry of the fuss Komui would make when she finally got back. Oh well. That was his problem. And why in the world was Lavi going on about "that brat with the eyes"?

"I'm sure he knows what's up," Lavi was saying, sounding sure of himself.

"I-it's not fair to judge someone on their appearance," agreed Allen hopefully.

Lenalee looked out the window, impatient. It was too dark to see anything but that person out there…people…a lot of people…

Allen was trying to think of what to do and generally ignoring Lavi's babbling, when he felt a tug on his sleeve. Turning, he saw Lenalee pointing out the window.

"We tried looking already, but it was too dark to…" Allen trailed off as he saw, with great confusion, what Lenalee was pointing to.

Outside, milling about like people with nowhere to go, were…well, people. A _lot_ of people.

Now, this in itself would probably have been a strange thing anyway, unless Allen was right and they'd arrived at their destination. To the best of Allen's knowledge, people didn't just gather in the middle of nowhere to wander about aimlessly. What made it even stranger, however, was the mere fact that they could _see_ the people in the heavy darkness. It wasn't because daylight had suddenly sprung; no, the people were…well, they were _glowing_.

At first, Allen just rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't dreaming. People didn't just _glow_ like that. Probably. After he'd nearly rubbed his poor eyes into oblivion, however, he came to terms with the fact that a) the people were glowing, b) they were semi see-through, and d) the train had mysteriously stopped in the middle of some woods in the middle of nowhere.

"Lavi!" cried Lenalee suddenly. "Lavi, what did you _do_?"

"Oh sure, blame me," muttered Lavi, putting his hands in his pockets. "Like I knew we'd end up in the middle of the woods in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of glowing freakshows."

"Why?" Allen groaned, slumping down onto the seat. "All I wanted was to go home. I just wanted to go home."

Lavi glanced at him. "See? It's probably Allen's fault for being so selfish."

Lenalee kicked Lavi swiftly in the shin, which shut him up. Well, with the exception of the "ow, ow, ow, Lenalee, what was _that_ for?" She patted Allen on the shoulder. "Don't worry, I'm sure we'll…um…well, I'm sure we'll-"

A sudden tapping on the window interrupted her halted reassurance. It was probably a good thing, anyway, for the longer she dragged it out, the gloomier Allen felt. When he glanced over at the window, however, and saw the kid directly outside…well, the gloominess didn't disappear, that's for sure.

"What in the…how did he…" Lavi stared at the kid staring back at him, then frowned. Something wasn't right. First, how in the world was the kid standing all the way up at the window? If he recalled correctly, Allen had only been able to barely peek through the very bottom, and the kid was _way_ shorter than Allen. Well, okay, maybe not _way_ shorter…

"Lavi," said Allen, head hanging, "I really hope you're not thinking about my being short. Because if you are, I'm going to hurt you."

Lavi stared at him. How did he _know_ that?

Lenalee patted Allen on the back. "You're not short…"

"Yes, I am," moaned Allen, suddenly emo.

Lenalee looked at Lavi, and Lavi looked at Lenalee. They both shrugged. It was true. Allen was short.

"But you're cute, so it's okay," said Lenalee quickly, before Allen could tell what she was thinking…oops.

Lavi held back a snicker as Lenalee's face turned red, but Allen was too busy being in his state of utter emo to notice or care.

"Anyway." Lenalee briskly turned the topic back to the matter at hand. "I say one of us should go out and see what's going on."

"Great idea!" said Lavi. Yeah, great idea, but there was no way he was going to be the one to check things out.

**********

"Guys! Why me!" Lavi stood woefully outside the train after having been tossed, snuggly blanket and all, into the dark, cold, outside world.

Lenalee stared out from the doorway. "Lavi, would you really want to send poor little me out there all by myself?"

"Yeah, Lavi, would you really want to do that?" said Allen darkly. Although he didn't look particularly threatening, what with his sticking-up hair and all those bandages.

"Well, why doesn't Allen have to go?" Lavi whined, still trying to get out of it. Allen was as capable as he was…

Lenalee put her hands on her hips. "Lavi, I don't see you covered in bandages."

"That's because you didn't get your hands on me," snorted Lavi.

And with that, Lenalee gave a spiteful little wave and pulled the door shut, leaving Lavi completely alone.

Lavi kicked at the dirt with his boot. Something in the air was creeping him out, and besides, why did Allen get to sit in that nice warm train car while he had to go face God-knew-what? Oh well, better to get it over with. But…what exactly was he supposed to be _doing_?

Shrugging, Lavi looked around. Bizarre glowing people wandered about, apparently with nowhere important to be. They didn't really _look_ dangerous…of course he'd be okay. It wasn't like he'd ever tell anyone that he was clutching his weapon for dear life…no, who in the world would be that much of a wimp?

"Um, excuse me," said Lavi, walking up to the nearest glowing lady. She didn't look too bad, actually. "Do you know where we are?"

Slowly, the lady turned around. Lavi sucked his breath in when he saw her eyeball dangling from its socket, but other than that, everything was peachy. Until, that is, she began to speak.

"Nowhere," said the lady in a rather bone-chillingly robotic voice. "Nowhere, we are."

Lavi backed up several hundred feet fairly quickly. No help there. Onto the next person…

But the next person was equally as unhelpful, and perhaps even more disturbing. This time, it was a man who had an unattractive wheel track going over his torso. Lavi tried to avoid looking at the really creepy ribs jutting from the man's otherwise-fancy shirt, as he asked his question.

"Hey, do you know where we are?"

The man cocked his head in a severely eerie manner. "Nowhere. Nowhere, we are."

Needless to say, Lavi was again quick in backing off.

Finally, after asking seven more people and getting the exact same answer each time, Lavi decided he'd gathered enough information and it was high time he jumped back in that train car…and locked all the doors for good measure. Unfortunately, when he grasped the door handle and pulled, the door remained firmly unopened.

And that was when Lavi noticed something was very, very wrong.

The train car…well, weren't train cars usually supposed to be attached to the rest of the train?

"Lenalee?" squeaked Lavi, looking warily around him. "Lenalee? Open the door, please…"

Lenalee's head popped up at one of the windows midway along the car. She stared out, mouthing something Lavi couldn't quite catch. Well, he was a bit busy watching out for anyone who might be trying to drive a carving knife into his back, or something.

"Lenalee, for the love of _God_, let me in!" Lavi cried as he felt a cold hand on his shoulder. Two cold hands…a bunch of cold hands…

But instead of opening the door, Lenalee just pointed and mouthed something else.

"I know there's something behind me!" screamed Lavi, now desperate. "_Open the door_!"

In his panic, Lavi saw Lenalee turn and make some wild motions with her arms. And, seconds later, Lavi almost started crying with relief as the door was unlocked and he was hauled back into the warmth and safety of the train car.

"Allen," sobbed Lavi, "Thank you, Allen, thank you."

Allen stood in irritation as Lavi hugged him and got dirty salty tears all over his shoulder.

"Lavi couldn't handle a few ghosts," Allen snickered.

Lavi, not wanting to let his manly pride get hurt, fired back with, "Well, how would you like it if I threw you out there right now?"

"Guys!" Lenalee, hurrying around the corner, attempted to stop the little disaster before it happened. "What did you find out?"

Lavi shuddered inwardly, remembering his awful experience with the hateful glowing people. They seemed bent on mocking him…

"Well, Lavi?" Allen's face showed that he was still sore about the earlier teasing he'd endured.

"Well, not much, really, considering that the people were all horribly mutilated and all they'd tell me is that we're 'nowhere, we are.'" Lavi sighed. "Oh, by the way, this train car? It isn't connected."

At this, Allen and Lenalee exchanged confused glances.

"What do you mean it's not connected?" asked Lenalee, for clarification.

"Not connected," said Lavi, not understanding how in the world Lenalee didn't understand what he meant. "As in…you know…not connected."

Allen and Lenalee again exchanged glances, this time of the shocked and horrified variety.

Oh no. Not again.

* * *

_GAH. This took longer than I'd wanted. Seriously, I had it mostly done in two nights, and then I got to lurking on DeviantART and listening to music and attempting to regain my mad piano skillz that I really don't have. Uh-huh. I've been drawing too much fanart for my own good, which is what's been keeping me, to tell you the truth._

_But I got this one done faster than the last one, right? Right? D:_

_OH GUYS. I've also been catching up on my DGM reading, and I only have forty chapters left until I'm all caught up. But I had to stop because I overloaded. :x_

_Okay, it's time for you all to cast your votes on what Komui's grand plan will be. Well, no wait. Please resubmit your ideas, just so I can be sure, and then we'll have a grand vote at the end of the next chapter. This story is drawing to a close, but I have a marvelous idea for a new one, and there's still the one with the daisies. Right. So, happy…happy reviewing? :3_

_No wait. You know what you guys should be doing as you wait for the next chapter? Go write some good DGM humor. PLEASE. I'M BEGGING YOU. D:_


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